a sense of normalcy//a Noah Urrea fan fiction.

(8) explaining

N O A H

"Hey how was that club I told you about?" Josh turns to me while all of Now United are eating an early dinner together. I can feel my cheeks heating up and stomach flip as I remember Malina and how much I just miss being in her presence.

"It was fun. There was definitely an older crowd, but there were a few people our age. Plus, they have an entire hour at the end of all modern music for the younger crowd." I continue eating in an attempt to distract myself from my thoughts about her.

"That sounds cool, we should go." Sabina chimes in, getting the attention of everyone else.

"Go where?" Asks Any, who had been in a conversation with Hina and Heyoon.

"This dance club I heard of a few months ago. It's meant for older people mostly but a lot of college kids go just for a chill club experience without a ton of obnoxious drunk people dancing around them." Josh explains to everyone and I can feel my stomach flipping as I picture seeing Malina again while I'm with everyone. I'd have to explain everything to her. I feel so guilty but have no clue what I would even say.

"That does sound fun, I'm in." Joalin's statement makes everyone else around the table agree. I fucked myself over so much, hurt Malina in the process, and now everyone is going to know how much of a horrible person I am. Although, you know what? Maybe she won't even be there. Maybe she didn't want to think of how much of an asshole I am so decided to not go there anymore. Yeah, that's right. And then I'll have more time to come up with an actual apology that somehow explains why I'm such a jerk.

We finish eating and start walking back to the houses most of them are staying at. Sofya is walking next to me and we're discussing what she should wear. I don't know why, but she trusts my fashion sense more than her own. Once we get there, they all go in to change while Josh and I head back to my house because he doesn't need to change, but I want to since I know it'll get hot and I'm currently in a black shirt with black jeans. I must be wearing my nerves on my face because Josh asks me if I'm okay. I seriously consider lying, but I know he'll be able to tell I'm lying and want to call me out on it, but won't and then it will just annoy both of us all night. Plus, I really need to get it all off of my chest and have some sort of explanation for Malina.

"I really want to say yes, but no. I'm not. I really messed up Josh." His brows furrow as he looks at me as I pull into my driveway.

"How so?" I put the car in park and sigh.

"Well, when you told me about the dance club I was so embarrassed for myself that my plan was to go in and look around to be able to say I tried it, but just use the bathroom and leave. But then, I bumped into somebody. This beautiful girl who was wearing daring purple lipstick with a matching skirt. She had this vibe of confidence, yet shyness to her and we got to talking. We clicked immediately and we even danced together. All night. And every other night we were there. Until one night, I didn't want her to leave early with her grandpa so I asked if she wanted to stay, we could get dinner after and then I could take her home. She asked her grandpa and he allowed her so we did. We stayed for the modern hour at the end and to my surprise, they played Afraid Of Letting Go. Normally, I would be so happy and I was, at first. But, as I was doing the choreography which she picked up so fast by the way, I will forever be jealous, I realized that I hadn't brought anyone I loved into the world of Now United unless I truly knew they would be welcomed. I don't know if she'll be welcomed. What if the fandom is so angry and sad that it's not Sina or Joalin and are mean to her? I couldn't do that to her. So, I avoided it. We left right after that song so I could distract her with food because well, what's a better distraction than food? So we went to eat and besides the fact that she likes pickles, I swear I fell so hard for her that night Josh. It's like something in my soul knew that I just belonged. After that, we met at the club like usual, but didn't really hang out again outside of that until Saturday. She invited me to watch Singin In The Rain at a drive-in theater. And dude, she made a comfy area in the bed of her truck, which first of all, girl driving a truck? Hot. as. fuck. Anyways, she also brought popcorn, candy, and Pepsi. After the movie, she dropped me off and I invited her in to meet Linsey and the rest of Goodie Bag, plus Sam and Ryan. They all really liked her and Ryan, Sam, and I all played a few covers for her and just being able to see her love music as I perform it was incredible. The guys then left, leaving us and I let her kind of play around with some of the instruments. She found the keyboard and played this beautiful little melody. I had no idea she could do that and when I asked she said that she had taken a songwriting class earlier this year and still remembered the chords to her song. I would've asked about the words, but I could tell she wasn't comfortable with telling me about that, so I didn't push it. I then, walked her back to her car." I take a breath, realizing how much I had just said. Josh is looking at me with such surprise and shock. "And as we were standing by her truck we had a moment of silence where we just looked into each other's eyes and I broke it, wanting to kiss her, but not wanting to move too fast, but as I walked away, she called me back. Then, she kissed me. I was in a bit of shock at first but then I totally melted into it. And though it was quick, I swear it was the best kiss I've ever had. But, the day before you guys arrived, I had to tell her that I would be super busy for the next week and I haven't really talked to her since." Josh is silent for a minute and I'm going insane. He thinks I'm a total jerk.