From Hate To Lust

Chapter Thirteen

heeyy! here's chapter thirteen! As I said before, if I forget to update, please remind me on my blog adoresnialler.tumblr.com/askbox since i'm there every day, usually, and sometimes it just slips my mind. Also would you guys like me to post my one shots on here too? i'm thinking about doing that! xo lots of love

“So you missed me, huh?” Niall said, still sounding a bit out of breath. I turned my head to look at him and saw him smirking at me.
“I guess,” I stuttered and blushed, looking away from him as quickly as I could.
“Mission accomplished,” he said and chuckled under his breath.
“What?” I whispered and looked at him again. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me on top of him. Then he took my face into his hands and his eyes locked on mine.
“You like me, love,” he murmured and pushed some of my hair back that had fallen into my face. He rubbed his thumb across my cheek softly and gave me a satisfied smile, his eyes sparkling.
“I… what? ... No,” I stuttered. I didn’t want to like him! I couldn’t, I used to hate him but now… I just felt save when I was with him, preferably in his arms. I loved his company when he wasn’t behaving like a dick and damn, he was so unbelievable perfect… I hated myself for this… for caring and for missing him.
He laughed softly and pecked my lips. “Baby, you can’t miss me if you don’t feel anything but hate for me.” He smirked, probably remembering that first night at his place when I had told him I hated him. “You may have hated me a while ago but look at you now.” He smiled warmly and pulled my face closer to his, attaching our lips. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of winning but when he sucked and bit on my lower lip as tenderly as possible; I couldn’t resist and kissed him back. He smiled against my lips and moved one of his hands in my hair, pulling my face closer to his. His other hand stroked my cheek as he continued to kiss me gently. I sighed and pulled away slightly, laying my head down on his chest.
“Mhh,” he murmured and ruffled my hair. I wrapped my arms around his torso automatically and tried to ignore how good this felt. He did the same, hugging my torso and pulling me a bit closer to his body; if that was even possible.
“I told you there was a thin line between hate and love and also lust,” he mumbled, sounding tired all of a sudden. “It’s all in the same centre of the brain, babe, it’s not even your fault that you like me more than you want to. I’m just too hot to resist.” He giggled sleepily and I had my eyes opened wide in shock. Luckily he couldn’t see this since my head lay on his chest. Holy shit, he just needed to stop, whatever he was doing to me.
“Can you shut up,” I mumbled, still shocked and he let out another low chuckled. He couldn’t just jump to conclusions because I let him do me again and again. No, he was wrong. He must be wrong; I didn’t like him after all. He had been such a jackass earlier today and no, I definitely did not like him! I just liked his eyes and his nose, his lips, his hair and his chin, his eyebrows and his ears. And I liked his abs and his dick. Also his arms and hands. His long fingers. And I liked his teeth, his smile, even his cocky smirk. It was sexy. I liked his laugh and his accent and just the sound of his voice. Oh my God. No, no, no, no, no! No.
I bit my lip so hard that it hurt while my eyes were still opened widely and my arms were still wrapped around his warm body tightly. His breathing got calmer and steady and I lifted my head up to look at him. His eyes were closed and that perfect mouth of his was slightly opened.
“Fuck,” I whimpered as I stared at that beautiful man underneath me, trying to clear my head up. My heartbeat sped up and I felt tears burning in my eyes. No, this couldn’t be happening. I couldn't fall for him, could I? Shit, shit, shit. I pushed his arms away and got up from the bed, picking up my clothes and putting them back on as an unwelcome tear escaped my eye.
“Babe?” he mumbled sleepily and I didn’t dare to turn around because more silent tears followed. I headed for the door quickly, hoping he was too sleepy to notice.
“Where are you going,” he whined and I stopped with the door handle in my hand already. Shit, what was I supposed to say? ‘Sorry, Niall, I think you’re right and I’m falling for you and I’m freaking out so I’m sneaking out’?? No. Definitely not.
“I…um,” I stuttered and stared at the door in front of me.
“Come back,” he said and just hearing him say that almost made me jump back into bed with him. But I stayed where I was.
“I have to pee,” I said and realized it was actually the truth, so it was a good excuse.
“Alright,” he said and I turned the key around in the lock before I opened the door and closed it behind me without looking at Niall. I walked through the hallway and knocked on the door of the bathroom. I really didn’t want to walk in on anyone, it couldn’t get more embarrassing. I opened it slowly when no one answered and found it empty. I locked the door behind me and once I was finished with my business, I looked into the mirror. I was a mess. I hurried up to wipe the tears away from my cheeks and breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm myself down as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were slightly red but I guessed no one would notice in the dimmed light. I had love bites on my neck and collarbones and I let out a long sigh as I tried to fix my sex hair.
“Screw it,” I muttered and opened the door, just to find Niall standing in front of it; fully dressed. His eyes looked a bit tired.
“Niall,” I stuttered, surprised. He smirked and pulled me into a hug, wrapping one of his arms around my shoulders. He started to walk towards the stairs and pulled me with him.
“What are you doing?” I demanded and he simply grinned at me. Fuck, I had to get a grip on myself, I couldn’t let him notice anything.
“You know, baby, we were at plenty of parties together, as in we were both there, but we never actually danced together. We only got drunk together once and that wasn’t at a party. And when you just left my room and I stared at perfect ass of yours, I thought about how I’d like to do some catching up now.” He rubbed my shoulder with his thumbs and it sent shivers down my spine. I let him pull me tighter and I sighed.
“This is gonna be fun,” he murmured into my neck and gave it soft kisses as we walked down the stairs together, causing me to get goosebumps.
“What if I don’t want to?” I wanted to. Definitely. He just couldn’t know.
“Oh come on!” He laughed happily. “Who are you trying to fool, baby girl?” He winked at me and moved his arm down, so that it was now wrapped around my hips instead of my shoulders. Oh alright, I forgot he knew everything. Fucking fuck. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him.
“I’m not exactly overjoyed,” I snapped and he just kept smirking at me.
As we reached the bottom of the stairs someone whistled at us and my eyes darted towards the front door. I saw Louis standing in the frame, grinning at Niall widely, wiggling his eyebrows. Zayn stood next to him, smirking and giving Niall the thumbs up as he was smoking another cigarette.
“Cunts,” I breathed and shot them an evil glare. They were pissing me off with their immature behavior and I almost started to feel sick when I thought about Niall bragging about fucking me. I really hoped he didn’t. They didn’t need to know anything that happened between Niall and me, it was just about us and nobody else’s business!
He noticed that I wasn’t pleased and simply hugged me tighter.
“Let’s get you a drink,” he said and pulled me through the living room that was still full of dancing people. Once we entered the kitchen together he pushed me against the counter and stood close in front of me, placing his palms on my hips.
“So what can I get you to make you happy, baby?” he asked and his lips were just an inch from mine, his hot breath hitting them. I stared down to his perfect mouth and then quickly back to his eyes as I realized what I was doing. He cocked an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth lifted up into a cheeky smile; he had caught me. Well fuck.
“This?” he breathed and leaned in, pressing his soft lips against mine gently. I gasped as he kissed me in the middle of their kitchen, even though we were surrounded by loads of drunk people. My hands found their way into his blonde hair that looked quite messy already from having sex earlier, as I kissed him back, letting our lips move in perfect synchronization. His hands travelled up and down my sides and I totally forgot that we weren’t alone when I let myself go and gave him all of my passion. I leaned in closer and kissed him as eagerly as I possibly could. His lips just felt so good on mine, I couldn’t hold back. He seemed to enjoy it and pushed his warm body tighter against mine, getting all worked up about our fierce kissing. He pulled away after a moment or two, and I got back to reality, glancing around and seeing some eyes fixed on the two of us.
Niall smirked at me, panting slightly just like I was. “Tequila for my girl?” he suggested, cocking one eyebrow and my heart fluttered when he called me his girl. His damn girl. I nodded and he grinned happily and turned around, walking over to the fridge.
I swallowed as I watched him. He looked so damn hot, I could hardly bear this. I wish he actually meant what he said though. My heartbeat sped up and I felt happiness rush through me as he called me his, but at the back of my head there was an evil voice, telling me how he had called me his fuck buddy just a few hours ago.  I sighed and stared at my feet until I felt him cup my cheek with one hand.
“Alright, love,” he said and put the bottle down on the counter next to me, reaching for a cupboard behind my back to get out some shot glasses.
“Do you have lemons and salt?” I asked and he shrugged.
“I’ll check if you want me to. Last time we took the ‘shots’ without it though!?”
“I know but I really love the licking and biting part,” I said and winked at him. He narrowed his eyes and growled playfully before he went back to the fridge, just to come back with a lemon in one if his hands a few seconds later.
“You’re lucky, you get to bite and lick as much as you want,” he grinned and put it down on the counter as well. Niall took some salt out of another cupboard while I cut the lemon into some slices, ignoring his comment. He purred the alcohol into the glasses, handing me one.
“Let’s do this,” he said and I nodded, giving him a piece of lemon. I wetted the back of my hand with the lemon and sprinkled some salt onto that spot. I held the lemon in that hand and the shot glass in the other.
“Cheers,” I said and Niall nodded, crashing our glasses together. We licked the salt off and downed our shots before biting into the lemon. Yes, this was definitely the proper way it was done. We continued doing this for a few minutes and I lost count of how many shots we did. It was good for me to do this and forget all of my stupid thoughts, to forget that I cared about him while he clearly didn’t care about me. He had just told me he never cared. Why would that ever change? I hoped that I would stop thinking about this now but somehow it still lingered on my mind and thoughts. My chest and stomach burned from the strong liquid and I felt the alcohol in my whole body. I was definitely drunk and so was Niall. He grinned at me and pulled me against his body, holding me in place as he lifted his hand up to my face.
“Niall, what are you doing?” I giggled as he titled my head back, with his hand at my chin. Then he brushed a piece of lemon across my lips. It felt so sour on my lips that I shivered.
“Shh,” he said and put salt onto my lower lip, implying me to stand still. He purred more tequila into his glass and took it into his hand before he leaned in and I felt his tongue against my lip, licking the salt off. My heart started to beat at least twice as fast as usual and I closed my eyes, feeling the desire to rip his clothes off. His tongue was gone faster than I wanted it to and my eyes flashed open to see him downing his shot before biting into the lemon. I stared at him and the attraction I felt almost overwhelmed me. Our eyes locked and I took the small glass out of his hand and put it on the counter before I took a step forward and crashed my lips against his. He kissed me back drunkenly and his hands grabbed my butt, pulling me against him tightly. I sighed as we parted our lips and our tongues massaged each others. I tasted the salt and alcohol on his lips and in my own mouth as well, it was just everywhere. It fogged up my brain and I started to feel dizzy after a moment. I leaned away and tried to catch my breath. He grinned at me and purred in some more alcohol.
“Don’t you think we’ve had enough?” I asked him as he put the bottle back down.
“Nah,” he said and handed me one of the glasses.
“Ugh, I think I’ll pass, Niall, I’m already feeling a bit dizzy,” I said and he nodded.
“Alright, you can’t drink as much as I can, I remember,” he grinned and drowned both of the shots.
“Do you still wanna dance?” I asked and he smirked at me.
“Of course, babe, let me just take another few shots,” he answered and I raised one of my eyebrows, leaning against the counter. I watched him taking some more and I wondered how long it would take until it would finally hit him. No human could drink so much tequila without getting super drunk. I was already drunk and I guessed I had only taken half of what he had downed. I shrugged and grabbed his hand, pulling him out of the kitchen once he was finished.
He wrapped his arms around me as we were back in the living room, surrounded by loads of drunk people. We started to dance to the rhythm of the music and it felt so much better than with Dave earlier. I loved to be close to Niall, I couldn’t get enough of his scent that filled up my nostrils and neither of his big hands that held me close to his body and guided me. I sucked on his neck as we danced and he squeezed my ass. We kept doing this for some time and as a new song started to play I felt his lips at my ear.
“Can you just do what you did to that sucker,” he slurred and I leaned back so I could see his face. I cocked one of my eyebrows. “What?” I asked and he rolled his eyes and sighed before he gripped my hips and turned me around, pulling me tightly against his body so that my bum was against his crotch. His lips were at my ear again.
“Don’t play dumb, I saw you grinding on other guys before and I can tell you’re good at this, so do it,” he ordered and I smiled to myself. I started to move my hips to the rhythm of the music and his hands were still lying on my hips while he kissed my neck sloppily. After some time I felt him getting hard as I grinded on him the best I could. My smile just got wider; I loved to feel this, to know he wanted me.
After some more minutes I felt his dancing get shaky. One of his hands moved from my hip down my thigh and my whole body tensed up as I felt him tugging on my dress slowly, trying to push his fingers underneath it. He didn’t really wanna do this right here, did he? I turned around in his arms to stop him from shoving his hand underneath my dress. He frowned and I examined his face, his eyes were really small and half closed. I could tell that the alcohol was finally hitting him, probably more than he had expected. He seemed really drunk by now and leaned closer to me, bringing his lips to my ear again.
“I fucking want you,” he slurred and I sighed, taking his hand in mine and pulling him through the room. He babbled something about how he knew I would let him take me any time and how often he wanted and about how he was sure he could’ve done me right in the living room. I could hardly understand him as his accent got thicker and thicker and the alcohol seemed to make his tongue heavier. I didn’t plan on letting him fuck me again though, I couldn’t do this. I wanted him really bad, of course I did. I always wanted him, he was right. But I started to sober up again and I remembered my thoughts from earlier.
Niall was so drunk that he could hardly walk, so I dragged him up the stairs. He was such a fool, I knew he had taken way too many shots but he hadn’t realized this, not with his ego and him thinking he could drink whatever he wanted without getting too wasted. Well he was wrong and I was sure he’d be pretty hung over tomorrow.
Once we reached his room, I opened the door and pushed him through it, slamming it shut as soon as were both were inside. He giggled drunkenly and hugged me, wavering slightly while kissing my neck sloppily, his mouth leaving a wet trail on my skin.
“Niall,” I said and laid my palms on his shoulders, pushing him towards his bed. He giggled again.
“Impatient, are we?” he slurred and I shook my head at him, half amused, half worried. I laid him down on his back slowly and sat down next to him. He closed his eyes as his head lay on the pillow and groaned.
“What’s this,” he complained and I frowned, placing my palm on his cheek.
“What?” I asked and leaned closer to him.
“My head hurts,” he whined and I smiled, brushing my other hand through his soft hair.
“You’re just too drunk, honey,” I said.
“We should’ve fucked somewhere else, you shouldn’t have laid me down, this doesn’t feel good in my head at all,” he complained and winced.
I giggled and he opened his eyes slowly. He stared at me and his glance seemed a little unfocused. He reached out for my face and pulled me closer towards him.
“Goddamn you’re so beautiful,” he whispered and tried to kiss me but I stopped in the last second, his lips only an inch from mine. My heart was racing thanks to his words and I felt my cheeks burn.
“You’re so drunk, babe, you should sleep,” I said and stroked his forehead.
“Kiss me,” he whined and tried to keep his eyes open. “Please.”
I couldn’t resist as he pleaded me to do it, and so I closed the tiny distance between our lips. I pecked his lips gently and then pulled back again.
“Thanks,” he mumbled and his eyes were closed. His hand was searching for mine and I decided to help him and placed mine in his. He sighed as I rubbed the back of his hand.
“Are you alright, Niall?” I asked him.
“Mhh.” His grip around my hand tightened. “I guess. I just feel so dizzy.”
I sighed heavily and stared at him. He looked so stunning even though he was such a mess and I didn’t want to leave him alone, but I knew I had to.
“Alright, I will let you sleep then,” I explained and tried to free my hand from his.
“No,” he protested and his hand wrapped around mine tighter. “Please don’t go, Caity. I need you here with me.” His voice was low and he opened his eyes again. “I want you to stay with me, please.”
I blushed and didn’t know what to say, I just knew that his words were burning into my memory and right into my heart, and I wouldn’t ever forget him saying this. This wasn’t good for me, definitely not. He did not care. I was his fuck buddy. That’s what he told me earlier and I couldn’t let myself fall for him. The problem was, and I realized this right now in this situation, that it was too late. I was already falling for him. He was right; I like him so much more than I wanted to. He was right that there was a thin line between hate, lust and love. He was simply right about everything, as always. And I was screwed, now that I finally realized it.
I felt his grip around my hand loosen all of a sudden and I stared down at his angelic face to see that his lips were now parted slightly and his eyes were closed. He had fallen asleep and I sighed, relieved. I let go of his hand and removed my hand from his cheek slowly, careful not to wake him. I bent down and kissed his cheek lightly before I left his room as quietly as I could. It hurt me to leave him alone. Mostly because he had asked me not to. Because he had told me that he needed me with him. That he didn’t want me to leave him. But also because of my new discovered feelings. I felt those unwelcome tears in my eyes again as I rushed down the stairs before I changed my mind about leaving.
What I wanted most was to stay with him and that was exactly why I had to leave.