From Hate To Lust

Chapter Eighteen

here's the next part! thanks for reading <3 please keep voting,sharing and commenting! lots of love xo

ps: watch niall fuck up. don't hate me ;)

Niall was ignoring me during the next days. I felt bad about it, about everything he had told me that afternoon and he made me feel even worse by acting like he did. Whenever our eyes met, he just looked away quickly without even flinching. He didn’t show any emotions towards me, there was nothing – no smile, none of his stupid jokes, no attempts of flirting and no goofy laughs.

I didn’t try to talk to him yet, but I wanted to. I needed to talk to him, and I would do anything to get things back to normal with him. I missed him, I truly did, and I knew it was stupid because he didn’t feel the same way. But I was way too far into him by now; I couldn’t just hide my feelings. And after all, Niall was the only person I regularly spent time with and talked to ever since Jayden and I broke up. I was so happy that he had finally opened up to me, even though all of it had brought us the where we were now. I knew that he trusted me and it meant so much to me. Especially now that I knew what had happened and why he was so fucked up. He didn’t let anyone near him, he didn’t want to get hurt again and I could understand that. It must’ve been a hard time for him back then and I knew that it was something he wanted to forget. He didn’t want to let it get to him ever again; he wanted to forget that it happened. But at the same time, he didn’t want to fall in love again. He didn’t want to care for anyone, afraid of getting hurt again. And that was the problem. I wanted him to care and I knew that he did. Somewhere inside of him, there was something. I knew it, and I wanted him to show me he cared. There was nothing I wanted more than that but I knew that it wouldn’t be easy to get it.

But I should stick to my own worlds, right? If there’s something, anything, that makes it worth trying, why would you give up on it? And my feelings for him were worth it. And he was. Niall was precious. He was that amazing boy, or actually man, who was capable of love. I was sure that it was true and nothing that only existed in my imagination. He could be so sweet and nice, funny and cute and then he also had this perfect appearance. He was incredibly good in bed; I didn’t have to explain this any further. He was perfect to me and that was the reason I fell for him. He wasn’t that cocky bastard I had thought he was when I hadn’t known him.

He was vulnerable and I wanted to protect him, to take care of him and it was my aim to fix him. He was worth everything I would have to go through for him.

“Niall,” I called out on Friday afternoon, when our last class had ended. He walked through the corridor quickly, clearly trying to escape. He pretended not to hear me calling, so I hurried up to catch up with him. I was tired of this; I didn’t want things to stay like this. Once I had reached him, just outside the building, I grabbed his arm.

“Fucking hell,” I said, my voice sounding angry. “You don’t have to pretend that I don’t exist,” I spat and tugged on his arm, making him turn around, so I could see his face.

“What do you want?” he asked; his voice as frosty as his eyes. I swallowed hard as I looked into his face, just as emotionless as it had been ever since that afternoon. At least when he saw me around. I had seen him with his boys yesterday, joking and making fun of something when he hadn’t noticed me there.

The way he acted towards me hurt, but I didn’t want to admit this. Not to him anyway. I was so vulnerable when it came to Niall and that didn’t get better at all, it just got worse. The more I fell for him, the easier it was to get hurt by his actions. I didn’t know if he was intending on hurting me for trying to get him to admit his feelings or if he was just putting up his walls and didn’t even realize that it wasn’t making me feel good at all.