Karrueche
I woke up the next morning still upset about what happened last night. It was never my intention to say what I said and to actually have Chris hear it, but I was pretty upset. My main priority is my daughter and what Chris said had me thinking he meant otherwise. He could've also just been talking out of anger or didn't mean anything by it. But I'm going to find out today.
I drove back to Keeis' house and rung the doorbell, after about two minutes of waiting, I started to bang on the door. I hate holding things inside cause that only makes the situation worse, Chris and I were going to talk today even if I have to bang on every door and window to get someone to open the door.
"Dang lil bit, you banging like you a mad baby momma looking for a child support check." Keeis said, opening the door. "Where's Chris?" I asked bluntly. "He in the living room watching cartoons like a big ass kid." He laughed. "Come in, you don't gotta stand outside in this heat."
I walked in and he pointed me to where Chris was before heading upstairs. Approaching him, I cleared my throat to get his attention. He turned his head to look at me then looked back at the television.
I went to grab a chair and sat in front of him, getting as close as I could. "Let's talk." He leaned back in the coach, staring at me. "Ain't shit to talk about, you wasted a trip." He's really testing my patience. "I thought we could talk about last night. I would first like to apologize for what I said, I was upset and I know that's no excuse, but I truly do apologize." He shrugged. "It's alright. We done now?"
"No, actually we're not. I would at least want you to engage in this and talk about the part you played in this. I came to talk with you not at you, you're not a kid so I don't really think I have to play the role of your mom and teach you what a conversation is."
"I didn't play no role in this, you claimed you should've never came to the party cause you could've been with your daughter, so I said go be with her." I shook my head. "If you would've told me to go be with her, we wouldn't be talking right now. What you said was go take care of her. As if I don't do that on a daily basis, but you wouldn't know because you don't know what I do or what I've been doing for the past few years."
He tried to say something, but I stopped him "So please don't try to come home and think that I'm the same Karrueche that I was when I was with you cause she's long gone, she doesn't take any shit. Especially from people like you. You may speak now." He chuckled a little and I was confused on what was so funny.
"I know you're not the same person, I realized that in the sneaker store. You're problem is that you still think I'm the same person. You said you forgive me, but you're not over what I did to you. Honestly, you need to move on cause you'll never be happy if you don't. I'm going to apologize to you but not for what I said, but for how I said it. I know you're a good mother and that little girl means the world to you, I applaud you for being a single mother because I know that's not easy. I just don't understand why you would get so mad when you saw that the party was here. What about me gets you on edge?"
I stopped to think about what I was going to say next. I knew the answer, but I didn't want to say it in a way that'll have him thinking I want to get with him, I also don't want to hurt his feelings by saying the truth then crushing his dreams at the end.
Everyone, including myself, knows that Chris wants to get back with me. I can't say the same though because to me he's still the same person. He's always been sweet, but I don't know if he has changed his ways and I'm not about to be the test dummy that finds out.
"I'm just afraid that those feelings will come back and truthfully, I dont want them to. It's nothing against you, it's just I need time to grow and find myself." He leaned in closer to me and pushed my hair out of my face. "You could've just said that from the beginning, I wouldn't of had tried so hard to get you close to you like I've been doing. At least let us be friends though, we can hang out once in a while and you can even bring Milan so we're not alone. I do want you back as my girl, but if I can have you as my friend, that's even better."
Being friends sounds harmless and him offering for Milan to come during out outings sounded good, so I couldn't turn down the offer.
"Okay, friend, how about you come with me to pick up Milan from her dads house then?" He agreed to tag along and I waited for him to get dressed.
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Chris
After I got dressed, we left and went to her car. I'm happy that Kae didn't cut me off entirely like she wanted to and that we could be friends. I should follow her lead and work on myself before even thinking about any kind of relationship. I could feel a change in myself, I'm definitely not like how I used to be.
Before, I would always want to be around a big crowd of people. I hated the feeling of being alone so I would go out and drink every night so the thoughts running through my head wouldn't get to me. Partying, hanging out with the wrong crowd, and sleeping with a countless number of women was my escape from reality. A way for me to not realize the truth.
In a sense, I found myself when I went to jail, but not entirely. I still have a lot of growing up to do that I wasn't allowed to accomplish while I was locked up. Since I had no freedom, I didn't get the chance to see how I would react once I got back into the world. Now that I'm free, I must say that I'm proud of myself.
Last night was the first time I drank in 5 years and two cups was enough for me. I was aware of all that I was saying and all of my actions. Since I had my eye on being with Karrueche, all the girls in the party didn't grab my attention. They were throwing themselves at me, but I wasn't impressed. Hopefully soon, not only Kae, but others will see how much I have changed for the better.
"Stay here, I'll be back in a second." We had stopped in front of his house and she left the car to go get Milan. I watched as she walked up to the steps of the house and he came out with Milan in his arms. I admit, they look like a little cute family when all three of them are together. Even though she's not with him, he'll always be in Karrueche's life because of their daughter.
I'm actually kinda jealous of him. He got the chance to receive something that I've always wished for when Kae and I were together. Every time I think of them, I start to hate myself a little more inside. All I had to do was be faithful and I could be in that niggas shoes right now. But I can't beat myself up over it, everything happens for a reason.
She now had Milan in her arms and he walked towards his car to get Milan's booster seat out. "Chris, can you come take this and put it in the backseat for me?" Karrueche said, opening the passenger side door. I nodded my head and went to get the seat. "What's this nigga doing here? You got him around my daughter Kae?"
"Aye man, I don't want no problems. Just doing a favor for a friend, that's all." He turned his attention from Karrueche to me. "I'm talking to her, not you. Move the fuck on." I felt Karrueche's hands press against my chest. "Chris, calm down. We don't need you doing anything stupid, I'll handle this."
I strapped the seat in the car, but I was listening closely to their conversation. "I can't have any girls around her, but you can have him around. And he's your ex at that, what kinda shit is that?" He said. "I've been raising her all this time so I can have who I please around her. You just stepping in so you have no say."
They then started whispering so I couldn't make out what they were saying. "You're that tall man I met in the store with all those shoes." I turned around and seen Milan standing there. "I sure am." I said bending down. "Do you remember my name?" She shook her head no. "Well I remember yours, it's Milan. My name is Chris." She smiled at me and put her hands in the air for me to pick her up.
I was hesitant at first, but I did it anyways. "Can I ask you a question?" She said. "You sure can." She played with my chain that I had on then looked up at me. "Why is your tooth funny looking like that?" She giggled. "Because that's the way God made me."
"Ohh, like how God made me with these?" She smiled pointing to her dimples. "Exactly like that." I strapped her in her seat and I went to sit back in the car. They were still whispering, but I could tell that they were arguing. "It's whatever Kae, can I just come get her next weekend?" I heard him say. "You can come get her saturday morning." She said before walking to the car.
"Sorry about that." She said pulling off. "It's fine, I didn't think he would get mad over that." I responded. "Knowing him, he just did it to see if you would get out of character. In the future, if he does come at you like that again, please just walk away. For me at least."
"Anything for you." She looked over and smiled at me. I'm glad to have her back in my life. Hopefully nothing fucks this up.
