TMNT The Fallen

Chapter Four Downfall

We were all unconscious for who knows how long. But when I woke up. I was in my bed. Somebody tucked me in. I looked at my clock, 8:03 am. I wonder how many hours it's been. Or worse, days. I felt really weak but I was too worried about the others to stay in bed any longer I got up and about fell. My legs felt like noodles. All I heard was the ticking of a clock. And Raphael's snoring. We were all in our rooms sound asleep. But how was that possible? Last I remember. We crashed the shellraiser because I failed to tell my brother the truth before it was too late. But then I realized. It wasn't snoring I head. It was crying. Deep utter and depressing crying. And it wasn't raphael. It was all three of my brothers. Leo, raph, and Mikey. They were huddled outside the entrance of the lair. I walked over there as quietly as possible. Raph heard me walking and sprinted over to me. He had tears flowing down his cheeks like endless rivers. His bottom lip wouldn't stop quivering. And his voice was shaking, as was his grip on my throat when he yelled, " Donnie! What the shell happened to sensei?! Where is he?! Tell me now, goddammit!" I started to tear up, having flashbacks of that night. Leo rushed over to raph and calmed him down. He loosened his grip on my throat and finally let go. I was able to breathe at a more steady pace now. But now I knew they needed an explanation. I waited too long. It was time for the truth.

After I told them what happened. They all just looked at me in horror. I was crouched down on the ground, holding my head in anger, depression, regret, and worst of all, failure. I was the one who could've done something. I was the one who could've saved him. I let sensei down and I'll never be able to forgive myself. I started to cry and the rivers from eyes began to fall to the ground like waterfalls. Leo put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Donnie, there was nothing you could've done." I stood up and slapped his hand off of me. I yelled at him. "Don't you get it?! It's my fault! He died in vain and it's all my fucking fault! What do I have to do to make you understand that?!" I then ran away to my lab. Knowing it was better if I was alone for the moment. I could still hear them talking. Mikey yelled, "Donnie wait!" Leo said, " no. It's better that we leave him alone." He was right. I would only hurt them more. That's all I could do. Is push them away. Because all I do is push people away. I'm just an inconsiderate jerk. Nobody understands me.

My thoughts flowed out of my mind and into my actions. I hit my tools and threw things on the floor. Glass shattered, and when I hit one of my graduated cylinders. I tripped and glass punctured my skin. In my legs, in my arms, and my face. I stared at my hands. And I saw myself in the reflection in the pool of blood on the floor. I curled In a ball and tried my best to scream as quietly as possible. The tears flowing from my face seemed to mix with the pool of blood on the floor. It covered my face and my it felt as if somebody dipped my head underwater. I was under so much pain. Depression. Anger. Regret. It all consumed my mind. That's when I decided to take up something new to take away the pain. I used a piece of the glass on the floor to pursue cutting myself. The pain felt good. I knew it was wrong and my brothers would definitely not approve. That's why I had to do it somewhere they wouldn't see it. I started to wear more cloth around my wrists so they wouldn't see the bloody scars. If they did, I know it would only cause more drama. All of the pain I have described. The cutting, the depression, the anger, the regret. All of this continued for about two or three months. And over time, things got better between me and my brothers. But everything changed when I met. Her.