Reunion (The Monkees Family Vol. 3)

Chapter 9

Gabby was able to sing along to Happy Birthday, and by the time the boys had blown out their candles and the cake had been distributed, she was feeling pretty much with it again.  She felt extremely fatigued, but she definitely had her feet back on the ground.  Micky came over to her and took hold of her fingers gently, shyly looking down into her eyes.

"Feeling better, my Gabby?"

She leaned into him and rubbed her cheek on his arm like a cat.  "Yes, my love.  Better.  I know you'll want to talk about this, but can we do it later, after the party?"

He nodded "Of course.  And we don't have to talk about it if you're not ready to talk about it, Gabby.  Remember, ego has no place in this relationship.  If you have something you need to keep to yourself right now, I can wait.  And if it's something that's going to hurt me and you'd rather not tell me, then that's okay, too.  We do everything through the prism of the 12 steps, now.  So just keep that in mind.  Does that help?"

She let out a huge sigh of relief.  "Yes, that really helps.  Let me think about that and figure out what I need to do, what's the next right thing to do.  Thanks, Micky.  You're so extraordinary in every way."  She reached up to ask him for a kiss and he bestowed a gentle one on her lips then wrapped her in a comforting embrace.

"Well, it seems like Dawn helped you through your panic attack just fine.  What was that all about?  Seems like she put you through boot camp!"

Gabby managed a weak smile.  "Yeah, she really kicked my ass.  She told me I was finally going to face this panic fear down and pretty much frog-marched me down the stairs and out the door.  She wanted to prove to me that everything I feared most wasn't real, and the things that I fear that are real most likely wouldn't happen.  That's the thing with panic – most of it is anticipatory.  Though in my case, it's not just panic.  I think it's a whole 'nother level of crazy.  I guess I need to make an appointment with my shrink."

"Yeah, that's a good idea.  In the meantime, I'm glad you feel able to be present for your friends.  But don't push yourself too hard.  If you want to go up and go to bed, I can just – "

"No, Dawn's right.  I need to stop letting this thing take over my life and stop me in my tracks.  I need to live my life.  I'll be okay.  Let's just have a good time and I'm going to act as if I didn't have a panic attack.  That's something I've heard in your AA meetings – you fake it 'till you make it.  If you're not sober, or you think you can never get sober, you just fake it 'till you make it."

Micky nodded.  "Yeah.  A lot of fears and doubts are illusory.  They're just bullshit that's stuck between your ears.  The reality is that you can do what you set your mind to do.  No one has to stay drunk or high or afraid or miserable.  It might take hard work to get out of the misery, but there's another way to live if you're willing to do the footwork.  If you're willing to ride out the discomfort and feel your feelings, be they fear, anger, insecurity, depression, inadequacy, shame, whatever.  You move through them and then get on with your life."

"So that's what I'm going to do tonight, Micky.  I'm going to move through my feelings and my fear and just live in the present moment."

"Good for you, Gabriella.  I'm proud of you."  He put his arm around her and guided her over to Peter and Dawn, who were chatting with Wendy.  "This should be an interesting convo to join.  Let's see what's up here."

Wendy was busy unloading all her insecurities about parenthood to Dawn and Peter and asking if they would forgive her for years of abuse and would they please allow her back in their lives and share their experience as parents with her.  They had amused smiles on their faces and Dawn said "Yeah, but it's gonna cost ya, Missy.  You have to come over to dinner once a week and get some on the job training with Charlotte and Sebastian.  And oh, well, it will be nice to have you around, I cannot deny."  She winked at Wendy, who giggled and toed the ground shyly.