Reunion (The Monkees Family Vol. 3)

Chapter 16

Everyone had retired to bed and Micky and Gabby were now in the bathtub, just gazing at each other.  Neither of them knew how they wanted to initiate the conversation they knew must be had.  Finally, Micky began. 

"Gabby, I'm so sorry about what happened outside the restaurant.  My past walked right up to us and smacked us both in the chops.  It wasn't a haunting, it was an ambush, a full frontal assault.  I want you to talk to me about how you feel about it, but I do want to share with you how I feel about it.  Remorseful, nauseated, embarrassed, frightened for your safety and sanity, vulnerable, and I have to admit, a bit triggered to either want to hit that woman or pick up a drink.  I haven't wanted to pick up a drink in a long time, but the amount of negative emotions I felt in that moment were so intense, I just wanted to eradicate them all really quickly and that's the only way I know how to do it.  That said, I knew immediately that I wouldn't drink, that I would stand and fight for you and for me and for us.  And as soon as I have a chance tomorrow, I'm going to find a meeting to go to.  Also, while you were setting up the Monopoly board and getting snacks and drinks ready, I called a friend from AA to tell him what happened.  So I did everything I'm supposed to do and I don't feel like I'm in any danger of relapsing.  I'm just keeping things rigorously honest by telling you I had that craving.  I don't want there to be secrets between us.  I'm not trying to scare you.  Just keeping my side of the street clean."

Gabby leaned forward and reached for Micky's hands, pressing them between hers in an effort to ground him and tether him to the sanity he was struggling to maintain.  "Thank you for admitting to me that you felt shaky and had a craving.  That took a lot of courage because I know you don't want me thinking you're not superman, and anytime you tell me you're human and still a drunk it's going to chance me thinking you're on the verge of relapse and you might think I'm going to withdraw my support.  But I'm not.  I still support you, and I'm still on board with you going to England.  My former neighbor from when I lived in Santa Monica, Gladdy, the one who was in AA, told me that you'll never be cured, that you'll always be an alcoholic and addict, and that I had to accept that.  That if I was waiting for you to come to me and say it's all over and I never have to worry about relapse, then I should walk away from you and find someone else to love.  So that's the first thing I want to get on the table.  I know you're always going to have challenging times when you're going to want to pick up a drink.  I respect how you handled it and I appreciate your sharing your process with me.  Thank you."

Micky sighed with relief and gave a weak smile to Gabby as he leaned back in the tub.  "Okay, now give me the rest of your thoughts.  Even though that was of my most immediate concern because it's the most important part of whether our relationship works and survives on a daily basis, you've got to have incredibly negative and awful emotions that you need unload on me and I'm ready for them.  Fire away."

Shaking her head side to side, Gabby said "No, it's not going to go that way, Micky.  I'm not going to unload on you.  That's not how we operate and that's not who we are to each other.  We're in this together.  You and I just got terrorized together by an awful person.  I don't doubt that you felt as rotten as I did when she approached us, albeit for different reasons.  I mean, yes, I feel like the cuckold, like the fool, meeting the woman who stole you way from me for a few days and wormed out of you all sorts of indiscretions and twisted them into lies and scattered them to the four winds via a national tabloid.  That's part of it.  Then there's the part I don't even know the answer to and I'm afraid to ask you.  I don't know whether you slept with her.  I'm kind of assuming you did.  Should I ask?"

Micky dropped his head in shame and Gabby had her answer.  "Oh."  That's all she could say.  Sometimes, "Oh" is a powerful and fulsome sentence.  "So now I've finally met face to face one of the broads you've banged.  I guess that ought to be incredibly traumatic for me, but since we've recently raked up the whole mess with Davy, it seems not entirely unfair that I met her, given that you've had to relive the nightmare that I fucked Davy for a whole night and into the next early morning."