twenty-three

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Rosalina

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Rosalina

I paint my lips with a dark-red liquid lipstick. Combined with a darker lip liner, my lips look full and the colour makes me feel badass. Tonight, Emyln and I are out for dinner. We're running over a few more details of the wedding, as well as prepping for Dad's upcoming visit. He'll be visiting Toronto for a week because of a conference. Dad never stays at either of our places—he says he doesn't want to impede—which is why we're figuring out things to do.

After our round of appetizers, I excused myself to the washroom. We're at a contemporary restaurant that reminds me of a distillery I once went to back home in Whistler. It seems a little too ski-resort town-ish for Downtown Toronto, with its oak floors, rustic and brass accents, and deep, earthy colours. The washroom's flooring is made a of grey slate that pairs nicely with the grey-and-black subway tiles lining the walls. Each mirror is rounded and outlined with brass, matching the faucets and door handles. The vessel sink vanity is black and sleek, and has soap that smells like oranges and cinnamon.

After tucking my lipstick away, I check my reflection in the mirror one last time. My hair hangs in loose curls, falling past my shoulders. The little flecks of glitter from my hairspray match the glitter intertwined in the fabric of my black dress. It's sleeveless, short, and has a cowl-neck style that shows off my breasts. I found it the other day while I was shopping with my friends. It's one of the rare dresses where I can wear a strapless bra and not have everything hanging out or cutting into me. That's the downside of having above-average breasts. If I could afford a reduction, I would get one in a heartbeat.

A small gold chain hangs around my neck. It reminds me of Luke. Perhaps it's because I was wearing it the night he fell down the stairs. Or maybe it's because he compliments it whenever I wear it. Either way, Luke is most definitely on my mind.

He has been all night.

There are two weeks left in his program, and I feel bittersweet about his departure. One advantage is that we'll be able to hang out without raising flags. Not seeing him every day... that's a disadvantage. We haven't discussed our relationship post-program, but I'm assuming he'll have a busy schedule. Once he's cleared to train, he'll be devoted to getting back in shape. He's maintained his physique, but some muscle mass has been lost. It's expected when recovering from an injury.

Don't get me wrong—I'm ecstatic for Luke. Being cleared means he's healthy and I've done my job correctly. I just... I enjoy his company. He's one of the nicest people I've met (even if things were rocky at the start). And when I tack on how attractive he is... Yeah, things aren't looking good for me.

The information is getting to my head. After Mom and Dad's failed marriage, I swore I would never commit to a relationship. They never work. People always betray you. Somehow, someway, they always do. Unless you're lucky like Emyln and Hainsey. But when I think about Luke, I question my perception of relationships.

A one-night stand with Luke Madden just... It doesn't seem fitting. Sex with him would be a mind-blowing experience—hello, I know the size of his cock. But I feel like I need other aspects. I want to hear him talk. Learn more about him. Kiss him good morning and goodnight. And I wonder how he takes his coffee, what his favourite music is, if he ever watches anything other than Lord of the Rings.

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