Growing Pains

Chapter Forty-Four

Duncan

Twenty minutes. That was how long I waited. No one stopped me when I got up and stormed out of the dinning room. I think Gwen even shot me a look of sympathy that I brushed off.

I walked to the living room and headed straight for the door. I needed to see her. I needed to know that she wasn't leaving me for some prissy rich kid who was going to use and abuse her once again.

So I opened the door. And I breathed a sigh of relief to see them just talking. They were out in the snow, standing on what peeked through of the stone path to driveway, and were just talking. Actually, It looked as if she was leading him to his car.

And then, his lips were on hers. It was such a fast movement that I must've blinked when it happened. I waited for her to pull back, but she didn't. It wasn't some heavy consuming kiss, but she kissed him back for a moment, nonetheless.

My heart ached. It hurt so badly I wondered if I was dying.

I was never going to be enough. Never. She would always pick the Justin's of the world. I was just some rebound, some fling for her to take her mind off of him.

I felt a wave of guilt crash down on me, swallowing me whole. I had done the same thing to countless of girls. Some fell for me, others didn't. But it was all the same.

They were all a distraction from the girl who would never love me.

She pulled back after a second, after the crippling damage was done. And she gave him a soft sad smile.

Justin then looked at me, giving me a look so territorial and arrogant that I felt my blood turn to fire. I wasn't sure I was moving but suddenly, my fist was connecting with his face.

It was like playing an old movie, one you had seen countless of times. Now, you knew all the lines. You knew your favorite scenes. You knew exactly how it would end.

That was what this fight was like. I knew that Courtney would hate me. I knew that Justin wouldn't be so forging this time and that charges for assault would hang over my head, dropping down like a warning sword with that single punch. I knew this would be the nail in the coffin of whatever beautiful thing we were starting to have.

I pulled back after that one punch, which had pushed him down in the snow. Courtney gasped, but she didn't run over to him. She looked at me. Her eyes were so dark against the bleached snow.

"I'm so sorry," was all she offered. Her eyes were lining with tears.

"Save it," I snapped, my voice near guttural. She knew what she did was wrong, but she did it anyways. She knew she didn't love me, but she led me on anyways.

I couldn't stand to look at her. Tears started falling down her cheeks and they looked so real that I knew if I looked at her for one more moment, I would cave. I couldn't cave. I would just end up here again.

Replaying my favorite movie again and again, always running from the inevitable endings.

So I fled. I turned from her and stormed inside. Our friends were there, asking what happened. I was vaguely aware of Trent running out to Justin, who still sat in the snow.

She grabbed my arm, sobbing now, as she said, "Duncan, it meant nothing."

I pulled on my mask of cool ease. I looked over my shoulder, "Doesn't matter to me if it did or didn't, sweetheart." It was such a blatant lie. Of course it mattered to me. It would always matter to me.

"Don't do that," she pleaded, though her voice turned icy.

"Do what?" I asked as I turned around. We were still standing in the living room. DJ and Gwen we're watching. I knew they were. I could feel their worried glances.

"Shut me out," She responded, her voice messy from her tears.

I stayed emotionless, knowing if I let anything show I would be an inconsolable wreck. I just shrugged in response.

She let out a groan, "Stop it."

"Why do you care? It's not like you have feelings for me, and I certainly don't have feelings for you." The words just fell out. They were such lies. I was just hurt. I was so hurt.

But in the back of my mind, I knew. I always knew that this would never work out. There would always be some wall between us, and I knew that there would be so many other guys, who were so much better than me, who would always be eager to build new ones for me to knock down. There were worlds of Justin's out there, and I was nothing in comparison.

It stopped her. "You don't?" She asked in a small whisper.

"No, I don't." It was such a horrible lie, but I had to end it. I knew I did. I couldn't keep hurting her. She needed someone better.

"I see," she finally responded. Her eyes turned dull and she swiped away any remaining tears.

I didn't even realize what she was doing until the locket was off of her neck. She held it out to me without saying anything. I took it from her, my heart breaking, wordlessly. She looked at me once more, her eyes bright with such horrific pain, and left, walking up the stairs behind me.

I felt it then. It was the end of us. We were over before we ever even had the chance to begin.

I guess I would have to tell Geoff that I was a coward. I wasn't able to tell her, so as much as it hurt, I would let her go.