'Til I Found You - (A Nathan Sykes Love Story)

Chapter 1 - Graduation

A part of my heart is missing, a part that will never be fixed in the future even if I do find him. He's missed everything from my first words, my first steps and now my graduation. What's done is done and he's gone now. He left just after I was born, never to be seen again. All I have is the memories supplied by my mum and that’s not enough. Not one photo we own portrays his image nor one household document bares his name. His presence once graced our house, but soon left without a word of goodbye or sorry. I had no one to call 'Daddy' or slag me about my first boyfriend. I had no one to take me to my first football game or talk to about the latest transfer news. I had no real male role model to look up to and every girl needs one of those.

Mum tried her hardest to fill the void he left. She worked two jobs to give me what she never had as a child and to make up for what I was missing out on. It never worked though. She was never at home either so it was basically me against the world. When I’d come home from school I’d be all alone and end up looking after myself. It all got a little too much. I didn’t look after myself and ended up with an eating disorder. I was anorexic for almost three years but thankfully I’m over that hurdle now. Mum however, turned to drink. Until then she was only a social drinker and even at that she’d never drink much she only did it to fit in. The alcohol was her only escape from the demons the outside world possessed. She thought the whole world was against her but in actual fact she felt guilty. She blamed herself for my ‘illness’, so she wanted to make herself pay. She attempted suicide numerous times but I was fortunate enough to come home in time.

I don’t know what I’d do without my mum. We’ve been through a lot together and I probably couldn’t survive without her. I’ve got to find my dad, not only for me but for my mum too. But I don’t want to put her through the pain of having to find him with me so I’m going to have to find him alone. Whatever it takes, I will find him.

‘Freya, are you ready?’ my mum called from the bottom of the stairs. ‘Almost’ I sighed adjusting my dress. My graduation signalled the end of secondary school and the start of my third level education. A course in Media and Journalism beckons for me come September. It also marked the start of the summer which meant I had three full months to find my dad. That should be enough time right?  ‘FREYA!’ mum called again her irritating tone echoing around the house. It wasn’t often she use that tone but when she did you knew you were in serious trouble. ‘Coming mum, sorry!’ I called down rushing around like a mad one. I threw everything I could find into my clutch including keys, money and make-up just in case I needed to top it up through the night, although I doubted it. I was never one of those people who wore lots of make-up just the bare essentials; a tiny bit of foundation to hide any blemishes, a bit of lip gloss, some eye shadow and maybe some mascara depending on the occasion.

‘Wow Frey, you look lovely’ mum whispered. Her bottom lip began trembling before a few tears emerged from her eyes. ‘Mum’ I whimpered dragging my feet across the floor. ‘Mum, please don’t cry’ I pleaded pulling her in for a hug. ‘Sorry, it’s just my little girl has grown up so quickly. I’m going to miss you when you leave for college’ she sobbed. ‘I’ve got another three months mum and anyway I’m only going an hour down the road’ I explained stroking her hair. ‘I know’ she whispered breaking free of our hug. She pecked me softly on the cheek, but something wasn’t right. Her breath stunk of stale whiskey. ‘Mum, have you been drinking?’ I asked standing. ‘I just had sip to celebrate’ she shrugged. I took a deep breath to try and calm down. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry’ she mumbled walking towards me slowly. There was a look of guilt and sadness in her eyes, making me want to forgive her but I couldn’t. All the pain and hurt she had caused last time around was too much to handle again. ‘I’m sorry, I’ll stop drinking, but on the bright side, we have counselling again in the morning. We can sort everything out for good this time. ‘That’s not good enough mum. You promised before that you would stop and you did! You stayed clean for a year but why mum? Why did you start again?’ I asked shaking my head. I tried holding back the tears but I failed miserably. ‘I ca-can’t’ I sobbed swallowing bucket loads of tears as I spoke. I grabbed a light cardigan from upstairs as well as my clutch before storming outside. I ran and ran managing to run fine in the heels I was wearing. They weren’t as high as what the girls at my school would wear, but then again, I was never one to go all out so they were perfect for me.

I pulled off my heels just as I reached the school door. I stared at the reflection in the pane of glass. I looked a mess, my hair was out of place, mascara smudged across my face, my dress was wrinkled and I already had blisters on the back of my feet. I sighed before sitting down on the bench just inside the door. My old classmates passed and pointed as the made their way through the hall but I didn’t care anymore. They had nothing more to do with me so I shouldn’t be bothered by what they think. One person that passed particularly caught my eye; Nathan Sykes.

Nathan went to our school before he got accepted into The Wanted. We never really communicated with one another during his time here but when we did we never got on. He cheated on his Spanish test once by looking into mine. He was caught by the teacher and ended up having us both suspended for two days. That ruined my perfect attendance record. Another time, he dumped my best friend Mollie after dating her for almost a year and told her that he was in love with someone else but we never found out who. Apparently it was someone close to his heart so we’ve always just assumed it was her twin sister Ellen but we won’t mention that whole situation. He disappeared after that so it was easy to forget him.

I stayed curled upon the bench for while watching as the hall filled with people. Everyone arrived with their mum’s and dad’s while there was me all alone while my mum was probably at home getting drunk and my dad was God knows where. ‘Sod this’ I mumbled gathering my belongings and leaving. I’m all alone again, just like I was a few years back and now I’ve got to face family counselling all alone… again. 

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Sorry I haven't updated any of my stories for a while, I'm just really sick. Picture is of Freya aged 15!

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