Katniss and Peeta: For you

Wake Me Up

Katniss POV

"The kisses in the games were just for show."

I shift uncomfortably in my seat. 

"Real or not real?" Peeta says, his cheeks coloring.

"Real." I sigh. "It was a strategy to get us more sponsors. It was you and Haymitch's idea."

"So did you ever really love me?" Rasps Peeta.

That question breaks my heart. How could the capital do this to Peeta?  How could they turn someone so sweet and pure into someone who can't tell what is real or not?

"I did." I say "So much."

"When did you realize you loved me?" Peeta asked softly.

"That kiss." I say. "That kiss on the beach, that's when I realized I was in love with you."

"I gave you a pearl that day." Peeta says. "Real or not real?"

"Real." I say, pulling the pearl from my pocket. "I always have it with me."

"You do?" Peeta asks, leaning forward.

"Really," I say. "I wouldn't lie to you."

Peeta frowns, his body shakes, some altered memory is trying to push it's way to the top.

"I'm tired Katniss." He says finally.

"It's late." I say.

"I better get home." He says standing up.

But I don't want him to go, because I know, if he does. I'll wake up alone, screaming for Prim to run.

"Peeta?" I ask.

He turns around. "Yes Katniss?"

"I...Goodnight Peeta." I say, stumbling over my words.

He smiles sadly at me. "Goodnight Katniss."

And then he's gone.

And I climb the stairs to my room, alone.

As I lye in my bed, I curse myself. Why didn't I ask him to stay?   I think.

And then it comes to me.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid, of what could happen, If I grow to attached to Peeta. Then there's a good chance I'll trigger more of his attacks, and I don't want to.

But then I wonder, is that the only reason?

No, I realize shakily. I am afraid of what Peeta Melark could do to...to me.

When Peeta was rescued, I'd never been more happy. But when we realized he had been hijacked, that happiness had been replaced by fear, anger and heart break.

And I don't think I could handle all those emotions again.

You are Katniss Everdeen. I remind myself sternly. You survived The Hunger Games, The Quarter Quell and the rebellion, you are no coward. You are a hero.

But even heroes get scared.

I wake up in a pool of sweat screaming for my baby sister to run.

"Katniss, its okay! It's okay, we're here."

Somehow I end up in the living room, a steaming mug of hot choclate on my hands, a blanket around my shoulders, Haymitch's arm around me and Effie's hand on my leg.

"What happened Katniss?" Effie says, stroking my hair with her other hand.

"I was there." I say, my voice catching.

Haymitch nods. "Prims death?" He asks.

I nod. "I was standing there and...and I saw the parachutes and I saw Prim. But I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. Then...she was gone. Just...just like that."

"Katniss, i'm sorry." Effie says. 

"Why was she out there?" I say weakly. "She wasn't supposed to be out there."

"She wanted to help." Haymitch says, "You can understand that."

I take a sip of my hot chocolate. "Yeah, I know."

As I drink I watch Effie and Haymitch exchange looks, they'd glance at each other, then me, then the ground, then back at me.

"I want to wake up." I say suddenly. "I want this to all be a bad dream."

"All of this?" Effie asks, squeezing my shoulder.

I think of laughing with Rue, I think of kissing Peeta on the beach, dancing with Prim in thirteen.

"Not all of it," I say thickly.

"Go to bed Katniss." Effie says gently.

I shake my head. "I can't. Not now."

But suddenly my eyelids begin to drop and my lips feel thick and heavy, my mug drops onto the ground, spilling the remaining hot chocolate onto the floor. I hear Haymitch murmuring to Effie as he picks me up.

"You...drugged me." I murmur groggily. 

"Sorry sweetheart." I hear Haymitch say. "You need this, we'll  see you in the morning."

"Screw you Haymitch."  I groan.

"You'll thank me in the morning sweetheart." Haymitch replys.

With that comment,  I feel the rest of the world slip away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.