moving up

Chapter 12

Izuku and Ochako text back and forth outside of work sometimes, rarely talking about anything of substance, but talking nonetheless, and that helps him take his mind off of Katsuki. He doesn't want to use her as a distraction, because he does genuinely like her, but, at the same time, if he doesn't use a distraction, then he doesn't know how he's ever going to get over this. There's been no word, no progress, no indication of anything since the incident, and he knows that it's time to give up.

Maybe it seemed like things were changing, but it's pretty clear to him now that they aren't. Whatever happened between them was a one time thing, and he's better off just forgetting about it, since it seems like Katsuki is having no trouble doing just that. So he enjoys talking to Ochako whenever they do and, while at first it's just idle conversation, eventually she is bold enough to make the first move, and ask him if he wants to do something with her.

The two make plans for a day out together, and they're both nervous at first, not sure what to talk about when they aren't behind a register together. Eventually, they're able to break the ice, though, and then things feel natural, just like they do at work. For the most part, they're only able to talk about work related things, but that's just fine for now. It's fun either way, and nice to be able to take his mind off of things.

That is, until Katsuki comes up in passing, while talking about management, and Izuku has a hard time contributing to the conversation, something that Ochako notices quickly. "Listen, I hope this isn't weird or anything, but I've been meaning to ask. You've known Katsuki for a really long time, yeah?"

"Yeah," he says. "Since we were kids. I mean, he is the one who got me the job, so..."

"Are you guys really good friends?"

"Not really," he says. "Or, maybe...not at all?" With how things have been lately, it wouldn't surprise Izuku if Katsuki hated his guts completely now. He really doesn't know what to think anymore.

"Not at all? But, then, why did he help you get the job? Or did something happen since you started?"

Something happened alright, but it's not like I can tell her about that...

"It's just kind of complicated, I guess," he finally says. "We were really close a long time ago, but not as much lately, and things got weird after we started working together...that's all, really."

Maybe if he hadn't ended it with "that's all, really," she might not have grown suspicious, but as soon as he says it, he realizes just how suspicious it sounds. Ochako stares at him for a moment before saying, "It must be really complicated, then. Are you sure something didn't happen?"

"W-well, I don't know about that... maybe something happened, but I don't...I don't know about that."

"Alright, you're definitely hiding something. Come on, spill it! I wanna know!" She is just innocently curious, but Izuku is afraid that if he's completely honest with her, he might hurt her. After all, he doesn't know what he's doing at all, and doesn't quite understand his own feelings, certainly not enough to try and communicate them to her, without saying anything that might make it seem like she's just a distraction.

Because she both is and she isn't.

"Maybe there's something else going on," he says finally, sighing as he hangs his head. "But, like I said, everything is really complicated."

"You like him, don't you?"

He looks up suddenly, surprised that she has him so quickly figured out. "I guess," he says. "It's-"

"It's complicated, I know," she says. "I kind of always thought you might like him, I just didn't know what that meant for...well! Anyway, if you really do, then have you tried doing anything about it?"

"Kind of. We both made moves, so I thought he felt the same way, but ever since then, he's been avoiding me. He won't tell me what he thinks, about the situation or about me, and just wants to pretend it didn't happen, so I guess that's my answer." Izuku doesn't mean to sound so sad as he says it, but he realizes that he does.

"You must really care about him. I'm sorry that things aren't working out for you," she says, and pauses for a second. "I guess this is probably a bad time to ask, but I've really gotta know...what's all this, then? You like Katsuki, but...well, what about me? How do you feel about me?"

Now he knows he must look absolutely terrible, and he knows that there's no good way to say any of this to her. He wishes that they could have avoided the subject altogether, but there was probably no way around that. The only thing he can do is try to convince her of what he feels, and reassure her that it's not just Katsuki, not anymore.

"I do like you," he confesses. "I know that might sound bad, because of Kacch- because of Katsuki, and I don't really know how to explain it, but...I like you too, and I have since I met you, basically. I guess that kind of makes me sound like a bad person, huh?"

"I don't know," she says, "I don't think so. It's weird, but I can kind of understand? I mean, I've probably liked two people at once before, maybe when I was in school? Either way, I'm sure it's pretty common. You can't help it if you like both of us, right? That doesn't make you a bad person."

"I know, but I feel like I'm stringing you along, or that I'm betraying him, or...I don't know. Either way, I end up feeling guilty," says Izuku.

Ochako nods, and says, "Maybe you just need to take time to think about it. I don't want to rush you into anything, so I can wait until you're ready to decide. And...well, I'll be fine with whatever you do, I mean, you've been a good friend at work, so I wouldn't want all that to end just because of this. I don't know if you'll be able to work things out with Katsuki or not, but if you are, and if that's what you want to do, I'll support you!"

She gives him an encouraging smile, and Izuku feels even more guilty for taking her out when his heart was in two places at once. Ochako deserves someone who is more decisive, someone who can actually stay in the moment, rather than dwelling on something that happened before and never really meant anything. And if it didn't mean anything, then what is he doing dwelling on it, when he could let it go, and be with her?

"I don't think I should take time to think about it," he replies, "because I don't know if there's anything to think about. Katsuki has made his feelings as clear as he's going to and...if it's alright, I think I'd just like to focus on you."

It's a bit easier to go in for a kiss now that he has some experience in doing so, but it is still difficult to build up the nerve.