moving up

Chapter 19

It's hard to say what's happening between Izuku and Katsuki. At least, he finds it hard to understand or describe, and he doesn't know what to do about it.

After failing to put a stop to Katsuki's advances that night, something changed. He wasn't able to resist, because he's weak, and even though they leave that night trying to pretend as if nothing happened, they both know that it's too late for that. Katsuki kisses him and he does not push him away, and when they separate, all Katsuki says is, "We're supposed to be closing up."

"Yeah, I know," Izuku replies. He wanted to resist so much, and he wants to be fair to Ochako, so he goes along with it this time, and doesn't let it bother him that Katsuki wants to pretend that nothing happened when it's clear that he initiated this time.

But after that night, they both know that something has changed. It starts in the way Katsuki stops fully avoiding him at work, and then, when there are times where they might be alone, where they might have a chance, such opening shifts when Izuku is the first one to arrive, or closing shifts when he helps Katsuki carry the money from the registers back to the safe, Katsuki will start to make moves.

He'll brush hands with him, or get in close, or do anything else that indicates he's trying to go for something more, and Izuku will tell himself to back off or to shove Katsuki or to do anything to prove that he doesn't want this anymore, and before he can, Katsuki always backs off, always like nothing ever happened. And still, they go back to acting like friends at work, and Izuku has never been less sure of anything in his life.

He hasn't told Ochako everything yet; they've both been busy, and he's afraid that she'll hate him now, and he really, really doesn't want her to hate him. But she does know that something has happened, he at least tells her that things are even more complicated now, because he owes her that much, and he tells her that they need to talk things over more soon.

"I understand," she says, and she smiles at him in a way that makes him feel even more awful about all of this. They aren't even official yet, because he can't actually commit or because she doesn't actually want him to, he isn't sure. Whatever the case, he is sure that he doesn't deserve her after this.

He and Katsuki continue to play this game where they avoid each other and then grow suddenly closer, and then pull apart, repeating the process over and over again while making no progress in either direction. Izuku is in love with his childhood friend, and he wonders if Katsuki returns those feelings and, if so, how long he has, and he wonders how he can want to be with Ochako so much at the same time. He doesn't have to wonder if he's a terrible person; he already knows that much.

"We've got to talk about this," he says one night. They both know that this is taking too long, and that Izuku has too much going on, and that Katsuki is making things too complicated.

And, for a moment, Katsuki looks like he wants to say no, but then he doesn't, mumbling, "Then let's go back to my place after work, alright?"

~X~

"Things are kinda fucked for me right now," is the first thing that Katsuki says, and Izuku wonders if this is it, if he's actually opening up for once.

"Then tell me about it," he prods, not wanting to let this opportunity pass him by.

But Katsuki shakes his head, saying, "None of your business."

"It's at least partially my business. I mean, with everything that's going on-"

"He wouldn't want me to tell you about it," Katsuki interrupts, and Izuku, irrationally, feels his heart sink. So there's a he , huh...even knowing that he has no right to be sad about this, considering Ochako, he is.

"If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to, but I don't see why I came over in that case," is all he says.

"Damn it, Deku...you always have to act like everything is so simple, but I'm not the one who got a girlfriend in the middle of everything."

"Not like a boyfriend is all that different."

"He's not my boyfriend, we were just...you know," Katsuki argues. "And that was before , anyway. You happened later."

So, then, Izuku is actually the 'other man'. Shaking his head, he says, "You're such an ass, you know?"

"Well, I don't need you to tell me that," mutters Katsuki.

"It must be someone I know, based on what you said," Izuku continues. "So, that means it's probably someone from work, right?"

"Stop trying to guess. I'm not gonna tell you, he wouldn't want anyone to know."

"Is it Eijiro?"

"What?! No! Besides he's already fucking De- that doesn't matter!" Katsuki is growing so frustrated now that it's almost funny, but then, Izuku supposes the whole situation is kind of funny, or at least it would be if he weren't so deep in it.

"Who is he- ?"

"No one! Don't worry about Eijiro, okay? Christ, if it's that important to you, it was Tenya! Alright?" He scowls, his cheeks somewhat red now, and Izuku has to let that one sink in.

He can barely picture Tenya doing anything with anyone, considering how serious he is about the store, but it's even harder to picture him having something that casual with anyone, let alone a coworker, let alone someone like Katsuki . It isn't something that Katsuki would make up, but it definitely seems completely unrealistic.

"Don't just sit there looking weird! It's Tenya, it's no big deal!"

"I didn't say it was a big deal!" Izuku protests. "I was just taking it in!"

"Don't 'take it in', it's none of your business!"

"It's kind of my business," he says. "I mean, with everything going on. Do you...like him?"

"That's- ! Of course not! I just...have some things I need to sort out."

"Then you're gonna have to talk to Tenya," replies Izuku. "Just like I'm going to have to talk to Ochako. I think we both have a lot of things we need to figure out."

"Why does all of this have to be so damn complicated?" asks Katsuki, and Izuku doesn't have the heart to tell him that he has a habit of making things more complicated. Even without Katsuki's confusing behavior, this would probably be pretty complicated, and it's hard for him to figure out where he's supposed to go from here.

Finding out that Katsuki has something going on with Tenya only makes things weirder, and he gets the feeling that Katsuki does like the other man, that there might be more going on. He can't even fully blame him, considering his relationship with Ochako, but now he isn't sure who either of them are supposed to be with. They're just going to have to talk things out, and hope they can simplify things.