moving up

Chapter 17

Now that he's free, things are much easier for Tenya. He doesn't feel the guilt of his affair with Katsuki hanging over him anymore, and he doesn't feel as strange having to work in the same building as someone that he's been so intimate with. Things aren't as tense and he feels lighter somehow, knowing that he made the right choice, and, finally, it seems like things are going his way again.

Or, at least, that's what he tells himself, because that's how he knows he's supposed to feel now.

But the truth of the matter is, things are not that easy. The truth of the matter is, things couldn't be less easy right now, and he is starting to think that there's never been any way to really free himself. Even with Katsuki mostly out of his life, he's still plagued with the same guilt and with the same odd feelings, and perhaps he doomed himself the very first time he let things escalate to this point. Perhaps he was doomed the instant he and Katsuki met.

Whatever the case, things are just as complicated as ever, if not more so, and working alongside the man he used to somewhat be involved with is even more difficult than working with him when they were still involved. They do just as well as they did before, pretending to be nothing more than coworkers, but that only makes it harder on Tenya. How can Katsuki be completely unaffected by everything?

It doesn't seem fair that he's the only one who had any feelings in the matter. He didn't expect Katsuki to fall for him or anything- didn't really expect to fall for Katsuki himself- but still...he's always been able to pretend like it's just nothing. How is it so easy for him? Does he really just care that little? Probably, but even so, Tenya wishes he'd show some sign that it bothered him in any way. Not that it would solve anything; even if Katsuki cared a little bit, they'd still be exactly where they are right now.

Tenya can't help but continue to observe Katsuki's interactions with Izuku, looking for any signs of change there. He has no proof that that was what had Katsuki acting strangely, but he still believes that that had a hand in it, and he can't shake his curiosity regarding their relationship. Of course, that only makes the "moving on" process even harder.

Things are less tense between them, strangely enough, or at least that's what Tenya gathers from the few times he sees them working together. They talk more like they used to, and whatever distance had started to form between them seems to be gone now. The two of them seem to be completely back to normal, and that leaves Tenya wondering if they've resolved more issues than they're letting on.

Of course, there's no true indication that the two of them are dating, not that there would be, considering how easily Katsuki has concealed things in the past, but Tenya still looks for it. He also looks at how Izuku and Ochako are around each other, more shy at work, but Ochako seems happier than ever, so that suggests that the two of them are still close.

Tenya doesn't know much about relationships, and he never has, so he could be completely off base about all three of them. He realizes this, but he keeps wondering what's going on, if Ochako and Izuku made any sort of move, or if Katsuki and Izuku made any sort of move, or if anything has changed at all, other than him ending things with Katsuki.

It takes him a while to get up the nerve to try to talk to Ochako about things, but he decides that that's the easiest way to find out what's going on. She's been a somewhat open in the past, so there's a chance she might open up again, and he might be able to learn more about the situation.

He waits until a day when things are slow and he's the only manager in the building, and makes sure that there are no other employees nearby to overhear when he asks her, "How are things going...with, um, Izuku?"

Ochako blushes and looks off to the side, saying, "Uh, are you asking that as a friend or as my boss? Cos if it's the latter, I'm probably not gonna answer." She says that as if it's not enough of an answer on its own.

"As a friend," he replies. "I'm serious, by the way."

Snickering, she says, "Are you ever not serious?" She shakes her head and continues, "Alright, alright, I believe you. But if you go back on that, or if you tattle, I'm never going to forgive you!"

"I wouldn't do anything to betray your trust, " he insists, and even though it goes against his stance as a manager, it's far from the worst crime he's committed, so he supposes it's just a drop in the bucket.

"We're kind of dating," she says, leaning in conspiratorially. "We're taking things slow cos he's got a lot going on and is still figuring things out, but yeah! That's basically where we're at right now."

If he and Ochako are dating, then is there really nothing more between him and Katsuki? She did say he was figuring things out, so maybe that's what's going on? He nods and says, "I'm very happy for you, and I hope everything works out in the end."

"Really? No lectures about it being inappropriate? You're full of surprises today, Tenya!" she says with a grin. "I'm sure things will work out one way or another. Like I said, it's complicated right now, but as long as we can make things a little less complicated..."

"Right." He nods again, not really sure what to say. This whole situation is awkward for him, and he feels a little guilty, knowing that he's partially supporting her out of his own jealousy. It's not as if Katsuki's going to come back anyway.

Whatever the case, this hasn't made anything easier for him at all. He's just as conflicted and confused as ever, and just as clueless on how to move on and stop caring about Katsuki and what never really was between them.

"You really are full of surprises, Tenya," Ochako goes on to say. "Seriously, I didn't think you would be the type to be this supportive, but I'm glad to know I've got a friend in you! If you ever need to talk about anything, love life related or otherwise, you know you can come to me."

If only she knew that he really wasn't all that she seems to think he is.