moving up

Chapter 13

Katsuki becomes an even bigger part of Tenya's life outside of work in the time that follows the night he shows up out of nowhere. He invites himself over often, whenever they have the chance, and Tenya sees so much of the other manager that he becomes used to having Katsuki around all the time, even becoming a little more at ease when he thinks about how easily they've kept it a secret so far.

But that doesn't mean that things are better for them. Katsuki is still distance and behaves strangely, and is never willing to talk about much, least of all his own feelings. He barely talks, which isn't much different than before, but it's more obvious now that there's something else on his mind, that he's not thinking about Tenya when the two of them are together.

Not that there's ever been anything of substance between them. Tenya knew all along that this wasn't a real relationship, and the way things have been developing recently has only confirmed that, despite them spending more time together than ever. They may be together more often, but they are certainly no closer than before. He continues to feel guilty about being involved in something like this at all, much less with another manager, but now he knows he has to do something to end it as soon as possible.

There are times when he tries to bring it up, when Katsuki is quiet and distant, and he asks, "Did something happen recently?"

"Dunno why you're asking, Glasses," Katsuki replies, his voice low.

"See, that only makes it obvious! You know if you have something you need to talk about, you might as well talk about it with me," Tenya says. "It's not as if I'm going to tell anyone, I don't have anyone to tell."

"Like I have anything I need to talk to you about," he mutters, and Tenya takes a deep breath, feeling closer to losing his temper with Katsuki than he ever has. The other man can be frustrating, but this is something entirely different. He's so difficult now, and he doesn't seem to realize just how much he's affecting Tenya's life, and how, whether he wants to or not, he's including Tenya in whatever his problems are.

"I just want to know why you've been..."

"What?"

"You know!" he insists, not sure what name to put onto it. "For a while now, and if there's some sort of problem, then I think we should discuss it."

"There's nothing to discuss," Katsuki insists, and when he looks at Tenya, his eyes have gone completely cold, almost impenetrable. "So just drop it before I get pissed off, alright?"

So he drops it, and he doesn't bring it up again, but that doesn't solve anything, and Tenya just wants to know where they stand. It isn't fair to him that he has to wonder like this, but then, does Katsuki really owe him fairness? Does Katsuki really owe him anything?

They aren't in a real relationship, and Tenya knows that. Nothing about what they have even remotely resembles a real relationship, so Katsuki doesn't owe him a thing. The fact of the matter is, if he wants something like that, he needs to be in an actual relationship, and if he's going to have the stability and openness that he wants, he isn't going to find that with someone like Katsuki.

He's known this all along, but he's still stuck it out, for god knows what reason. It's time to make a change, and stop resisting it, when he's known all along that this needed to be done. And he takes his opportunity one morning, when Katsuki gets ready for work in his bathroom, leaving from his house, when they both know that there isn't anything between them.

"Katsuki," he says.

"What? I don't have time to talk, you're gonna make me late."

"It'll just be a minute," Tenya says. "I...don't think you should come back tonight. Or, ever, really. I don't have any interest in continuing this relationship...or, arrangement, or whatever you'd like to call it. I want to cut things off before they go any further."

Even if it seems like they've already gone too far.

"Yeah?" Katsuki stares at him for a second before nodding. "Okay, sure, if that's what you want. Anyway, I gotta get going before I'm late." And, just like that, just like it's nothing, Katsuki leaves, and it's not like he has any stuff at Tenya's, so he doesn't have any reason to come back.

Just like that, just like it's nothing, they end things, and Katsuki doesn't seem to care one way or another. Tenya should feel better now, but he only feels worse.

~X~

They don't have an overlapping shift, as Tenya is off the day Katsuki leaves, and Katsuki is off the next day. He doesn't have to see Katsuki at work, which should make the transition easier, but Tenya knows that he's going to have to deal with him eventually, and that is enough to keep it difficult. And he knows that it's going to be difficult, because nothing is going to be different at work, because none of it matters to Katsuki, not in the least.

But it matters to him, and he knows why, and he's always known why, and it's' only now that it's over that it's gone too far for him to continue hiding from himself.

It was never a real relationship, and he knows that, but he also knows that that was what he wanted. He doesn't know why, or when, exactly, things changed, but there came a point where he wanted that with Katsuki, where he developed feelings for his fellow manager.

For so long, he's managed to repress that, and not admit to himself that that was why he was letting things drag out, and now that he's finally stopped trying to hide it, it's far too late to try to do anything about it. He's already cut Katsuki out of his life- or as much as he can, in this situation- so there is no chance, though he's sure he never had much of one. It was never a real relationship, and that was for a reason, after all.

If Katsuki wanted to change things, he had just as much opportunity.

Besides, this the more professional way to handle things. Regardless of Tenya's feelings, they still work together, and no matter what the nature of their relationship could have been, it would still have been completely inappropriate for coworkers, for managers. He did the right thing, and he knows that, and needs to take comfort in that, rather than wishing that there could have been something more between them.

There's no use pining over him and no use missing what never should have happened, what he let go on too long, and the best thing to do now is to be proud of himself for not letting it go on any longer. He did the right thing, and he'll move on, in time, and when he's ready, he'll likely meet someone that he can be with without risking his career and without breaking any rules.

Besides, what on earth is really that appealing about Katsuki anyway?

He really wishes it were that easy.