" Hey my name is Nthochi... but you can call me Nana. I'm a health Psychologist or atleast I was three weeks ago... I was depressed and unhappy with myself and nothing was going right ... I'm 32 ....unmarried...jobless and currently living with m...
There are many things I love about my small country, and farms happen to be one of those things . Or atleast it used to be back when I actually had something to live for. Now I'm living on memories , memories of the past.
I inhale the sweet Zambezi valley air and I instantly realize I'm home , on the ranch .
" Bambo has really missed you know .." , My mom says behind the steering wheel.
" I've missed him alot too... I wonder how much has changed since I left ...." , I say .
" are you going to see Wanzeru ... when we get home .....? I hear he is still single " , My mother laughs.
" Mayi ..."
She laughs even louder , I am almost joining her. I can not let her win , I must stand my ground .
" Remember you had a huge phulani on him...."
" That was 20 years ago ", I frown .
" More like 10..." ,she says rolling her eyes .
Did my pure breed 54 year old African mom just roll her pretty eyes at me? I've honestly never seen her so happy . She is literally glowing . I smile at her . She smiles back.
" What ?" ,she says .
" Nothing.." , I say back , " I'm just happy to be home .
***
When we get into the yard Bambo is sitting on the porch eating maize , chatting with my great aunty , kumbukira.
His eyes light up at the sight of me .
" maluwa anga , my little flower ... " , he says standing up to grasp me into his embrace .
" maluwa anga aang'ono aphuka my little flower has blossomed .." , he laughs heartily as he grins at mum .
He is still holding me in a gentle embrace. My father is only a man of 58 years and even in his old age, he couldn't mask his boyish charm . Yes , his hair has turned a glimmering white and his bones had dried up . Deep down I knew my old man was still dapper . Charming as always .
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" My Daughter come here I see you..." , My Great aunty says .
Her eyes scan my presence briefly as if searching for something .
" mmm mwanayo" , she says dramatically, "uwu ndi ntchito yoipa this is the work of evil... you need deep cleansing ..... papa madzi a Mbale .... can fix every thing ...he might even make you attractive to-- "
" Aunty Kumbukira really .... you are impossible how could you possibly even think of witch doctors ....at a time like this ....?? , my mom snaps at her .
" Someone in this house has to learn to call a spade a spade! " , she say spitting on the floor, "palibe munthu wamba yemwe amapita kukatenga moyo wake .. no normal person sets out to take their own life .... This is the work of a witch ! "
" iwe ndiwe wopusa... you are being ridiculous" , my mother shouts .
" Then who do you blame for your daughter's craziness.... she probably didn't get it from my side of the family!"
" She is not crazy ! "
" why did she try to take her own life?!!!"
" because with such a supportive family who wouldn't want to take there life ...??!"
" You are making a grave mistake letting Nthochi back home! She is not a child ..... it's so shameful to have a full grown woman living with her parents......" , Great aunt says storming into the house. I cannot believe that I actually thought coming back home would be a great idea. Like everything else I do , I'm always wrong , I'll always be a disappointment. I'll never be enough, I'll always make a mess of things. I wished the ground could just swallow me .
