My books arrive at the table . There are only three books that I hold near and dear to my heart.
1. The bible .
2. The truth about angels by Ellen G White
3. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis .
If my bookcase was burning I would save these three. Does my reading list shock you ? I know I'm a far cry from perfect, if anything I am the very definition of imperfect. I might not be in church always, I don't sing in the choir ,I'm not handing out V.O.P lessons and I might not always sit at the front during vespers. But I follow christ. Kind of like how when you follow someone on Twitter and you you retweet everything they say and wish you where half as witty as them to come up with that . That's me I follow Christ..... I retweet his words but sometimes it's hard to actually live up to those words . I do bad things, I hurt people and I ridicule their faith as if .... I'm any better . But everyday I fall to my knees and ask myself, " What kind of love is this ?"
" You read C.S Lewis?...." , he says as he grabs Mere Christianity with a chuckle , " you're a really weird woman....your friends read Mills and boons ...."
" You don't get to change , the subject , Sherlock holmes ... tell me about this lady " , I tell him sardonically.
" Well I've realised that if I'm going to put my past behind me... I have to confront her and tell her her how she messed up my life ....." , he says playing around with a piece of his stake , before he puts it in his mouth. How does this man do this ? How does he keep it all together when if it where me everything would be falling apart for me .
" you're looking at me again..like that "
"Like what ? "
"ngati chakudya....like a snack " , he says drawing back his lips in a grin
"oh chonde..! musakhale odzikuza . Oh please! ...don't be egotistic ..." , I say rolling my eyes before adding, " So when are you going to see her ? "
" This afternoon... and I want you to come with me..."
His smile is the cutest thing ever. How could I say no ?
" Oh Chonde , sure ..I'll definitely escort you .." , I tell him .
Were just about to leave when a Man walks in with his wife. Mental health is a taker... but you must not let it take .my legs feel weak , suddenly I can't walk . My face crushes to the ground, but I barely feel the impact because my face is numb . Suddenly I am drowning, deeper until I can't breathe. My surroundings are blurry , and the sound of sirens are getting louder. I can hear my mother crying
" Wachitangi Mwana Wanga? What have you done dear child ?"
And just like that, I was reliving the worst day of my life , over and over again .Mental illness likes to play games and when it plays games it's never fair .
This what they call being "triggered" .What does it mean to be "triggered?" In recent years, this term has been casually used to refer to the experience of having an emotional reaction, usually to some type of disturbing content in the form of media or in another social context, be that violence, mention of suicide, or other situation.
A trigger is a reminder of a past trauma. This reminder can cause a person to feel overwhelming sadness, anxiety, or panic. It may also cause someone to have flashbacks ,a vivid, often negative memory that may appear without warning. I was having a trigger . I was having a trigger in the middle of a fancy restaurant.
Trauma is a complex experience and, sometimes, traumatized people don’t know exactly what causes their trauma reactions.
People are staring at us . My eyes are open but I'm not blinking.... others are even taking pictures . I've managed to make a full clown of myself once again . Great Job Nthochi , you're a real piece of work. I want to speak but my words roll out of my tongue like a broken record player .
I
" I don't....please no Abraham......Please....10 years !!!.. pl-please don't go .... I'll do anything for you to not go ... please jus- just stay for me ....please .." , I sound like a raving lunatic .
Atlas pulls my body into a gentle embrace and whispers into my ears , " shhhh you are not alone.... I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere..." , he strokes me gently and takes me outside in a secluded corner and puts me again the wall ... with only my fists against the wall.
" listen to my voice ", he says , " 0ne ... two .... three ...four five.... okay breath...slowly good ... now open your eyes ..."
I'm now calm and facing him and tears are rolling down my cheeks.
" How do you do that ?"
"What ?" , he says .
" keep everything together when everything is falling apart...."
" you and I have the same problem we just have different approaches to it ...."
" why do you say that?"
" You let your emotions destroy you.... I let them build me ..."
" Lao Tzu once said, If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle...."
" you just need to find yourself again and stop letting your emotions get the best of you , Nana ...."
I nod
The Art of war by Lao Tzu. This man keeps shocking me . I didn't think he could shock me any further when he stretches out and lifts me off the floor towards his car .
" whoaaa" , I say . Acting shocked , but I want this . This time he grins and says , " don't think I don't hear you say this .... miss Hogwarts"
" say what ?"
" Five points for Gryfindore "
YOU ARE READING
My Boyfriend , Atlas .
General Fiction" Hey my name is Nthochi... but you can call me Nana. I'm a health Psychologist or atleast I was three weeks ago... I was depressed and unhappy with myself and nothing was going right ... I'm 32 ....unmarried...jobless and currently living with m...
