Before and Now (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 9

« Do you remember? »

She slowly shook her head in disappointment, looking at the ground.

« I thou...thought that if I...I came here I wou...would remember something. I was...so hop...hopeful. That picture...I...I felt it, you know. For the...first time ».

She turned toward me, tears had started to roll down her face and all I wanted was to wipe them away before they marked her face but I couldn't. I needed to restrain myself and it took all of my being to do so but I was still a stranger in her eyes. I couldn't intrude her personal space as I used too.

A lump started to form in my throat again, I hated to see her suffer like that. I wished it would have been me instead, in that accident. Oh, how bad I wished it.

As I looked in her eyes, for the first time since the accident I saw clear anger and I didn't know where it came from. Seconds ago, she was distressed but now something had angered her. I wished I could enter her brain to see what was going on inside but all I could do was to wait for her to talk to me.

We stayed a moment in silence before she spoke up.

« People al...always tell me it is go...going to take time...and I... I hate the....them for that »

I looked at her, still not saying a word. I could see she needed to get things off her chest, so I waited for her to continue as tears started to form in my eyes.

« They tell me it is go...going to be fine. That I just ha...have to wait and it will...come back but they do not under...stand that I am a...alive in the meantime and that I am just...empty » she let out in between sobs.

A first tear rolled down my face as my heart was shattering slowly.

What could I say to this kind of revelation? What was I supposed to do?

I had been an empty shell myself but not for the same kind of reasons. What I lived and what she was living were different. I empathized with her situation but it was true that I couldn't fully comprehend it, neither could anyone.

All I could do was support her throughout it even if it didn't feel enough. I wanted to take her in my arms and whispered to her that everything will be alright, I wished I could unlock her brain miraculously like in the movies but I was useless.

« I don't know what you're going through right now. I wish I could but I can't. I just...want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I'll be entirely honest with you from now on... »

She smiled as she wiped her tears and I did the same.

« Thank you » she murmured and looked back at the treehouse sighting.

« Why di...did you not tell me? »

Her question took me aback as I had no idea what she was referring to. I didn't tell her a lot of things. « About? »

« Us » she immediately replied, looking back at me. She wasn't angry anymore, her eyes were rather filled with expectations.

« Honest, right? » she said calmly.

I looked away anxiously. She was right, honesty was all I could give her. She deserved at least that but that didn't make that knot in my stomach disappear. I had to tell her and accept the consequences, I couldn't push it back anymore.

« I was scared » I took a deep breath trying my best to control the flow of emotions running inside me and to control my shaky voice but it was no use « I was so scared that you wouldn't believe me, that you would... »