Before and Now (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 5

Gracie's POV:

Mondays sucked, I thought.

I would rather be in my room instead of my literature class at 10 A.M and on top of that, I had a giant headache that made me lose every last bit of my remaining concentration.

Plus, it didn't help that Colleen was right next to me. Ever since the girls' revelation, I kept wondering what Colleen wanted of me. Was she just being nice or did she have some hidden reason to befriend me?

« Ms. Slater! » The teacher's voice took me out of my thoughts.

« So...Sorry, I did not hear... ».

« I was asking the following question: Scout realizes she's different from the other kids in her class but in what aspects? Can you answer, Ms. Slater? »

Oh...OK. We were studying 'To Kill a Mockingbird', right? Yes, Scout, obviously. My hands started getting clammy. I was so lost. I read the book but I didn't listen to anything since the beginning of class. I was too tired and mentally exhausted to do that.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Colleen slightly raising a piece of paper. The teacher couldn't see it but I could. I tilted my head a bit, on the paper was written in a beautiful cursive handwriting 'She can write and read'.

« She can...write and read » I read aloud the written words.

« Excellent, Ms. Slater » He congratulated me « Next time, keep your attention on the lesson though ». Then, he went back to his explanation.

I turned my head toward Colleen who was looking at me with that same weird expression on her face. The exact same she had every time I caught her looking. She looked...happy? She was smiling, faintly but she was. She had quite a nice smile. Her eyes were sparkling, her gaze lost, looking but not really, like she was deeply lost in her thoughts. I couldn't help but shyly smile back. I didn't know why but I found her quite endearing, I felt a sense of safety radiating from her. Like she had no bad intentions toward me. It appeased me a little.

But I wasn't supposed to feel like that, like the girls I should hate her. Right? I should find her disgusting. According to the Bible, she was destined to hell. Yet, I didn't feel aversion toward her. I should, homosexuality wasn't natural, it wasn't right.

Even though Coleen was wrong I couldn't feel hatred toward her. She intrigued me to the highest level. My own feelings actually intrigued me too.

Suddenly, her eyes focused back and her smile disappeared as she blinked a few times, shaking her head. She looked startled. She turned her head back down to her desk, burning holes through the paper in her hand.

She didn't glance back at me once during the remaining time of the class.

However, as soon as the class was dismissed, Colleen put some papers on my desk. My brows knitted in confusion looking up. Colleen leaned in, visibly nervous and said:

« I noticed you didn't take notes today so I took some for you, I hope it will help ».

She smiled then walked away before I had the chance to thank her.

I was left dumbfounded, sitting at my desk while everyone exited the room, observing the notes Colleen gave me. What just happened?

We didn't know each other and yet, she understood by just observing me that I couldn't follow everything going on. She cared enough to look at me, to understand me and to take care of me. And even more, take notes for me. The situation seemed more and more sketchy as time went by. If I hated her that much before why was she helping me now?