Before and Now (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 29

It was all too quiet in the car. The dread took me by the stomach. Even the fact that Gracie was by my side didn't dissipate the knots. Her hand was still in mine poised on the leather backseat. The radio wasn't on either. The silence was distorting my mind, making everything a potential threat in my eyes. The occasional looks of her father in the rearview mirror was stopping my breathing.

Was I still breathing?

I didn't know. It felt like I was holding it all that time. Even when we arrived and we left the car, when I felt the light breeze on my skin again. I didn't breathe. It was like I was holding inside me Gracie and if I exhaled she would pass my mouth and get lost in this gigantic world.

The girl's car stopped behind us on the curve. It eased me a bit, their presence. They were not exactly what we could call friends and yet, they were the only ones on and at my side.

Gracie bumped lightly into my shoulder. My eyes followed the movement and met her eyes. She wasn't exactly in the most peaceful of mind but she wasn't as panicked as she had been at the hospital. She loved her family even if they did her wrong. But there was a deep hole now between her and them and it would take a lot to fill it to be able to pass across again. I could see that but even with all of that in her mind she still tried to protect me at that moment. She smiled reassuringly at me. The kind of smile that made me melt. I wanted to be able to do that to her. I wanted to be the one who protected her. I didn't want her to worry about me. I was afraid yes but not from her parents. I was afraid to lose her.

I squeezed her hand for probably the hundredth time that day. Her parents were patiently waiting by the door, I could feel their gaze from time to time but things changed a little.

My eyes fell on the window on the side of the house where Gracie's brother was glaring at me from. There was pure hatred in his eyes. His jaw was clenched and if he had the opportunity I was sure he would have beaten me up.

How could this girl have done this to his sister? That must have been what he was thinking. I didn't blame him. He was programmed to hate me. I just hoped that he would outgrow it, for the sake of his sister.

We followed Gracie's parents inside. The silence that was reigning was almost unnatural. We arrived in the living room where Gracie's brother was now in, or rather, leaning against the door frame arms crossed over his chest.

Gracie's mom gestured for us to seat on the couch. Somehow, all of us fitted on it while Gracie's dad took the armchair on the left and her mom the one on the right fixing it to face us rather than the TV. Her brother didn't move and he was still piercing holes through my skull.

Gracie's mom cleared her throat and all of our attention converged toward her.

« I... » she took a deep breath « I don't really know to start this conversation but we have to have it »

Most of them nodded. I could feel my heart rose up in my chest and stuck in my throat. It was now. The moment I had dreaded since the beginning of my relationship with Gracie. I was more confident now and less afraid yet I still had that knot in my stomach because I didn't want Gracie to live the same thing I was with my family.

« I...think I should explain » Gracie spoke up « From the beginning. And after, you can tell me...what you want »

Her parents shared a look then nodded.

Gracie released a deep breath and squeezed my hand almost on instinct. I hold her a little tighter but not to the point to hurt her.

She told her story slowly and precisely. She started from the accident of course because she still couldn't remember how it was before. She talked about the diaries and what happened before the accident through them. Our closeness and how she felt like we knew each other and we did. She talked about her feelings. It was the first time for me too to hear that and my eyes fell on my legs in the middle of her tale. Tears started wetting my trouser making me realized I was crying. I wiped the tears quietly and I tried to keep my head down to not show anyone. However, when I lifted my head back up, her mother was crying, her father had tears in his eyes, Bella and Ivanna were crying too. Paige wiped the silent tear that left her eye trying to keep on her strong facade. Sarah sniffled a bit, her eyes were dry but even, she was touched.

Her brother, well, it was another story. His jaw was still clenched yet his eyes had softened. It only took him one look at me to darker then again. I was the one who compromised his sister.

« I can't be sorry for what I did » Gracie continued « I don't feel sorry » she shook her head « because I don't feel like I did anything wrong » she finished. Her eyes met mine and we exchange a quick smile before looking back around the room.

« It's disgusting » her brother spat.

« Matt! » his mother scolded, still in tears.

« NO. Don't you see she made her like that? It's not right »

« Twice » Sarah scoffed « Even I, have a hard time believing it »

« So what? You'll go against God? »

I sighed. It's always came back to this.

I guess he didn't like my reaction because he moved forward me with his fist up.