Sensitive Wolf

3.

After a few minutes, which felt more like hours, I was able to concentrate on our conversation and heard Dr. Clairence asking if I had taken my prescribted pills this morning.

She had urged me to buy those for years claiming that they were going to help me. I had fought her tooth and nail about taking drugs, but after a few years I had given in.

"I did."

And I was thankful so thankful for her continuous effort to get me to take drugs, because they did help me. My problems were still here, but it was getting easier coping with them and getting through the day.

I had always thought that it was a weakness to get help, especially in form of drugs. However, Dr. Clairence had convinced my through my therapy that prescribted drugs would only support my well-being, but were not the solution to my problems. She had made it very clear from the beginning that the drugs would only help if I kept working on my problems, meaning learning techniques and especially talking to her about everything that bothered me and trying to change it.

Through Dr. Clairence I started to realize that seeking help was no sign of weakness, it was a sign of strength.

It was strong to admit that I had not been feeling well for years.
It was strong to work on my issues, even if some days I could barely get out of bed, too overwhelmed with everything.
And it was strong to tackle my problems each day anew and if I needed help for this, even in the form of prescripted drugs, that was okay.
Because I was strong.

"What caused the attack?", Dr. Clairence wanted to know and I sighed already knowing what she would say.

Over the years I had become familiar with Dr. Clairence although I had only seen her several times as it was not easy for me to leave the territory. My parents were gone a lot, but always left me guarded seriously. The few times I had managed to sneak out, I spent with her.

Of course I could not tell her about me being a werewolf, although she would had more understanding for our culture then, so I made up a story of me being in a very strict cult, which somehow was not untrue. Therefore Dr. Clairence understood that I could not pay her a visit often, so she gave me her number and since then we had been in contact constantly.

At first I had not been certain if I was a burden, because my parents had always made me feel like one. However, she had soon let me known through her questions, our conversations and her soft, melodic voice that I was a very strong person who needed a bit of help in order to get better.

Without her I was not sure how I would had survived the last several years.

My parents had always been very strict and harsh with me, being disappointed in my soft personality, but after my 18th birthday and my first shift they had been even harder on me.

They had probably thought that after my first shift I would get stronger and therefore more confident and less sensitive. However, when I had still behaved like my old self after my shift, the disappointment of this discovery had been perceptible. And they let me feel it every day.

They had taken me to our pack doctor and had demanded a reason for my very unlike Coleman behaviour. Just like my parents the doctor had assumed that my strange personality would change after my first shift, but that had not been the case. He had suggested being harder with me in order for me to form an acceptable personality. My parents of course had listened to his advice and this had been the moment that I had known I needed help - desperately. I could not do this alone anymore.

"I had a fight with my mother and afterwards she told me she would've a talk with my father.", I whispered still a bit breathless.

I burried my nose into my old teddy bear. His smell had always comforted me and I hoped it would work this time as well.