Sensitive Wolf

13.

As I stood there frozen in Levin's embrace all I could think about was that I was not his mate.

I was not the one who had been destined to stand beside Levin forever.

It was not me who was supposed to love and cherish him.

I was not the one who he would look at with affection and yearning.

The rational part of me understood all that, but the emotional part was a whole other matter.

I felt the tingles when Levin was touching me.

I felt attracted to Levin.

And I definitely felt a bond between us.

However, I was not his mate.

Why moongodess did you make it this hard for me?

My wolf howled in my mind feeling the pain herself.

So I gave in, for one second I let myself relax in Levin's embrace.
For one second I let myself believe that I was the right one, that I was wanted not because of my gender, but because of me.
For one second I let myself feel what it meant to be loved.

However, as soon as I made skin contact with Levin something struck me as odd and I was harshly brought back to the present. 

The tingles... They had been the reason why doubts had started to emerge.

"Levin.", I softly whispered and something in my voice urged him to lift his head.

I saw the tears streaming down his face and I gently wiped them away. I knew Levin would not like where this conversation was leading too, but for his sake, Oliver's and mine I had to confront him with the truth.

"The tingles you feel with Oliver, are they stronger than with me?"

Levin squeezed his eyes shut instantly after the question and I knew I had my answer.

Shortly it felt like my heart was breaking in two, because there was this unbearable pain in my chest, but my heartache was gone instantly, when my wolf pushed an image in my mind.

It was my dream from last night, where someone had touched me. I thought it had been Levin, but now I realized it could not have been him. The touch I had received in my dream had been more electric than any touch or tingles I had experienced with Levin.

My brows furrowed as I thought about what that could mean.

"What's your wolf's colour?", I heard myself ask.

Confused Levin looked at me and with shame in his voice he answered "Brown."

My eyes widened, because as an Alpha male you were supposed to have black fur. I could understand that it was a touchy subject for Levin as a lot of packs would question his future position. It was said that only Alpha's with black fur were strong enough to lead a pack and protect it.

However, what consumed my thoughts even more was the realization that the wolf in my dream had been black. So it was definitely not Levin, but someone else. I dared to let myself think about him being my mate. 

Could he really be my mate?

My heart accelerated inside my chest just thinking about the possibility.

Shocked by the turn of events I stumbled backwards. I still had a chance to find happiness.

"I knew you would react like that.", Levin's broken voice brought me back to the present.

At first I was confused as to what he was talking about, but as he continued speaking I knew I had to clear up this misunderstanding.

"My wolf has brown fur, not black, so...yes....I'm not fit to be an Alpha, I'm not worthy of this position....I..."