Sensitive Wolf

31.

"Why does Silas call you Ray?", Nathan wanted to know after he got the first question right.

Nathan had picked Levke's garden as our study place and when he had marvelled at my full blown smile, because I loved being here, he had said, "I love that you're getting this happy over the most simple things."

Instantly my smile had vanished and before I could think about it I had told him, "It's not simple to me."

I could see the confusion in Nathan's eyes caused by my words and there was also anger. I knew that the anger was not directed at me, and while I appreciated his rage, because it made me feel adored and precious, I feared what I was about to share with Nathan would make him even more mad. His arm, which was wrapped around my waist, pushed me closer to him and I leaned my head on his shoulder. It felt so good that finally someone else as Silas, worried about me. 

"Like sunrays Silas thinks I light up the room," I told Nathan hoping I could distract him. It worked, because his eyes seemed to lighten when he looked at me.

"I can definitely agree with that"

I blushed, secretly loving that Nathan thought so highly about me, but my joy was shortlived, when Nathan wanted to know more about my upbringing when he had answered the next question correctly.

I felt panic rise, because I knew the moment was here when I had to tell Nathan all about my ugly past.

Nathan realized that I was not okay and pulled me into his strong arms. I almost instantly calmed down, but it still filled me with dread that Nathan not being able to cope with my past was an option.

"I'll never push you to tell me anything you don't want to Sophia. I'm curious, how could I not, about your past and how you ended up being this perfect, but I don't want you to share any of it with me if you don't want to.", Nathan lovingly whispered into my ear and my eyes filled with tears when I heard him call me perfect.

I was so very far from being perfect, but it gave me the courage I needed to tell Nathan everything.

So I started from the very beginning telling Nathan, how my pack was famous for only having the strongest and taughest warriors and how my parents had expected me to follow in their footsteps, but how instead I had failed again and again.

"I could never be the warrior daughter they wanted me to become. I was too weak, helping others and repeatedly showed them that I was just a disappointment."

I could feel the rage rising in Nathan and I was glad, so very glad and relieved that he felt as angry with my parents as I did after Dr. Clairence had made me realize it.

Nathan then pulled away from me and luckily there was a bench behind me, because my legs were too weak to hold me up any longer. Already exhausted I sat down on the bench and watched Nathan fighting an internal battle with himself and his wolf. I could see how badly he wanted to shift, not being able to stand my parents mistreating me all my life. Although a small part of me was relieved that Nathan thought as badly as I did about my parents, the bigger part of me was heartbroken watching Nathan like this.

"There's more.", I whispered brokenly and instantly Nathan's eyes locked with mine.

I lowered my gaze not sure how Nathan would handle my next secret and swallowed around the lump in my throat. I had to tell him, I knew I had to, but what if he could not cope with it?

I found myself gently being picked up by Nathan and placed on his lap. His arms surrounded me and an instant calm washed over me. My head was tucked under his chin and feelings of safety and comfort coursed through me.