Soulmates: A Collection of Bellarke Fanfics

I. Still Breathing

Clarke touched the book Josephine had extended, and suddenly, Bellamy's grief stricken face was flashing before her eyes.

"I'll take your deal because it's the smart play, and it's the move she would have made."

After the initial moment of shock, Clarke was struck by the sharp aching in her chest. The extent of the pain surprised her. It didn't make sense. Bellamy was doing what was best for their people. He was protecting their friends, her family, her daughter. He was doing exactly what she had asked of him all those years ago— using his heart and his head. He was wisely putting aside his feelings of revenge.

So, why did it feel like such a betrayal? Like her world had truly just collapsed beneath her feet?

Bellamy Blake, the version of him she remembered most, at least, didn't give up. It simply wasn't in his blood. He fought tooth and nail until the end. Screw compromise. Screw peace. He fought for what was right above all else. Above reason.

"You still have hope?" She had asked him once, when she was in tears and feeling particularly exhausted with the weight of being a leader.

"We still breathing?" He replied, as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

Where was that man now? Where was that fight when she needed it most?

I'm still breathing, Bellamy! She wanted to scream.

Perhaps the most frustrating part was that she felt she no longer knew that Bellamy. Those six years had changed him. When she wasn't there, he was forced to be more methodical, to not just act on his emotions. So, the person that came back to Earth was a changed man. It broke her heart that she didn't understand him as well as she once did. Clarke used to be able to read his every thought with a simple glance at his expression. She knew who he was and what he stood for at the core of his being.

This man— the man who put reason over emotion— was someone she was still trying to figure out.

Clarke longed for the old Bellamy in this particular instance. Because, well, that old Bellamy inspired her. He inspired her to fight beyond logic. To never accept defeat. He believed in her, even when he probably shouldn't have. And she had never needed that kind of reassurance more than she did in that moment.

But this Bellamy had given up hope for her. She understood he was doing what was right for their people, and she knew it was incredibly selfish, but a small, almost intangible part of her wished that he would be irrational for just another moment. That he would be irrational for her.

She hoped he would be as reckless for her as she would be for him.

Clarke put her people, Bellamy included, before herself. She always had. In contrast, most of the time, Bellamy put Clarke first. That was the nature of their relationship. They were selfish for each other. They fought for each other, even when the other believed they were beyond forgiveness or saving.

Which is why hearing him say those words almost ripped her in two.

Maybe it was because he hadn't forgiven her. Maybe it was because, deep down, he knew they were better off without her. Clarke couldn't think of another reason why he would just... stop fighting.

A wave of guilt overtook her. Bellamy was just doing what he should do. Clarke Griffin, the girl who had always been the head in their partnership, should understand that.

She just wished she didn't hate it so much.

Clarke could see Josephine's subtle satisfaction. She knew she struck a nerve. The hurt, the heartbreak, the defeat, was written all over Clarke's face.

If Bellamy, of all people, accepted it...

If Bellamy gave up and quit fighting...

Why couldn't she?

Feeling her resolve begin to crumble, Clarke made her decision.

"I need them to be okay."