Soulmates: A Collection of Bellarke Fanfics

VIII. A Gift

"When did you know?" Madi's soft voice broke the silence.

She sat next to Bellamy beside the small pond in the center of Sanctum. It was the middle of the night, and a quiet darkness had overtaken the city. It had been a day since he told her that Clarke was dead— that Josephine had taken over her body. Somehow, Madi had discovered, being by Bellamy was a small comfort. He was the only other person who cared for Clarke as much as she did.

So, it was no surprise when Madi joined him outside a few hours before. They didn't say a word, but Bellamy placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. And they just stayed like that, lost in thought and grief.

Which is why Madi's question caught so Bellamy off guard. "Know what?" He asked.

"When did you know that you loved her?" She looked up at him, and Bellamy softly gasped. Her words hit his chest with an impossible force. The air was sucked from his lungs.

Because those words made him face the truth— the truth that he had loved Clarke Griffin for years, but he lost her before he was ever able to tell her so.

And that was just too painful.

"Madi..." Bellamy slowly started, preparing to avoid the question or say absolutely anything that would allow him to continue to live with his lie.

"You did love her, right?" She sniffled, and he could see the tears glistening in her eyes. He felt his entire heart shatter for the millionth time that day. This was the girl that Clarke had raised. The girl who meant more to her than anything in the world. Madi was already in so much pain. How could he be dishonest with her?

Bellamy sighed, feeling his throat tighten and his tears returning. "Yeah, I did." He whispered.

"So, when'd you realize it?"

God, that was difficult. He had to try to think back to a time when he didn't love Clarke. It felt like so long ago. The majority of his adult life was centered around that woman.

"Honestly," he started, his voice watery. "It came in waves. I always had respect for her, even when we butted heads in the beginning. She is— was— fierce and stubborn and absolutely relentless. But we became friends when we went to check out this small bunker together. Clarke convinced me that I could be better. She gave me compassion and forgiveness. That was the day we really became partners."

"She told me that story," Madi said, "She said it was the moment she knew you were more that a reckless ass. Her exact words, by the way."

He couldn't help the small, soft chuckle that escaped him, because of course that was exactly something she would say.

A moment later, he continued, "And then there was the war with the Grounders, and we were separated. But when we found each other again, Clarke ran across camp and just tackled me with this huge hug. I was surprised, but when I hugged her back..." Bellamy was suddenly chocked up and had to take a deep breath. "It felt so damn good. I realized how much I missed her. And, in that moment, I knew I felt something strong for her. I knew I needed her, and I knew we had some kind of connection. I knew I couldn't ever stand to lose her. I just wasn't ready to admit it was love."

Madi nodded in understanding, and Bellamy took a deep breath. "The day I finally was able to face it came a while later. Clarke left after Mount Weather. It hurt like hell. Then, I heard she was in trouble, and suddenly, that was all that mattered— finding her. I did, and instead of coming home with us, she decided to stay in Polis with Lexa." He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but even after six years, it was difficult to be objective when it came to the former commander. "I was really upset. Actually, I was pissed. It wasn't Clarke's fault. She was doing what she needed to do— politically and for herself. But, at the time, it felt like a betrayal. I got out of control and made some really bad decisions."