Soulmates: A Collection of Bellarke Fanfics

VII. This Time

As soon as Clarke saw Bellamy's figure in this distance, she felt an indescribable rush of joy in her chest. He made it. He's safe.

Within a second, they were running into each other's arms. She tucked her head into his shoulder, desperate to get closer to him and feel the effortless comfort he always gave her.

A few moments later, they both pulled away, but their hands remained tightly bound. Bellamy sadly said, "I heard about Abby."

Every emotion that Clarke had been trying to keep under control hit her in an overwhelming wave. She shook her head, tears filling her eyes. "I tried to do better. I did... And then I lost my mom." Her next words sounded like a raw, hopeless plea. "Tell me it was worth it. Tell me— Tell me it was worth—"

Bellamy stopped her. His voice sounded just as distraught, but was also full of conviction. "Hey, hey. We did. We did do better. I have to believe that matters."

His words enveloped Clarke in reassurance and warmth. And the pure emotion in his beautiful eyes... well, that made her feel a million different things.

After all this time, Bellamy was still her guiding light. Her strength. Her safety. Her hope that one day, just maybe, things won't hurt this bad. And until that day came, she knew he was her partner in carrying all of the weight.

It was in that moment that Clarke realized this was where she wanted to stay forever. With him.

Of course, this wasn't a surprise. Bellamy had always been her... person.

However, usually, after a disaster happens, or after they save their people yet again, Clarke has to ignore the small voice inside of her head that tells her to distance herself.

It's an instinct. She has to constantly fight the desire to isolate herself. To break her own heart because it hurts less than the guilt. To reject any of the kindness and compassion that Bellamy Blake offers her because she feels like she just doesn't deserve it.

It's why she left after the genocide at Mount Weather. She couldn't handle his understanding and forgiveness and beautiful eyes looking at her with so much love after she murdered people.

"Clarke," Bellamy had said that day. "If you need forgiveness, "I'll give that to you. You're forgiven."

Clarke wanted to believe him so badly. But how could she stay when he would only try to make her feel better? She didn't deserve that. Not after all she had done. In that moment, she felt like she didn't even deserve him. Or his comfort or support or any of it.

I need to get out, her brain screamed, I have to.

She wanted to relish in the pain of what she did. She wanted to feel it. And Bellamy would only do what he always did— make her feel better.

"Please, come inside." He continued, and every word broke her just a little more.

She looked straight ahead, trying to ignore the longing in his voice.

How could she explain to him that he was just too good to be around? That she wasn't leaving because he did anything wrong, but the exact opposite?

So, she simply said, "Take care of them for me."

Bellamy tried to convince her again, but she argued that seeing their people everyday would just be a painful reminder of what she did to get them there.

"What we did," He countered. "You don't have to do this alone."

There it was again. He was already reassuring her, already giving her absolution. If only it were that easy.

"I bear it, so they don't have to," she replied after a long pause.

Clarke could see the heart break on his face. "Where are you gonna go?" He asked.

"I don't know," she said, honestly.

It seemed like there were no more words to be said, so Clarke fiercely pressed her lips on Bellamy's sweaty cheek and hugged him tightly. She could feel his hand in her hair, felt his breathe on her neck, and, God, it was so tempting to stay.

But she had to get out.

"May we meet again," She squeezed him tightly for one more moment before pulling back.

Clarke took one last look at Bellamy— at the man who offered her so much— and walked in the direction away from camp.

It nearly destroyed her.

But this time, after taking down Sanctum and losing her mom and getting Madi back and bringing chaos to yet another planet, the urge to escape wasn't there.

She had done her best. Bellamy thought so, too.

Clarke took a deep breath, slowly realizing, that was all she could do. That was all she could ever do.

The sun was rising. She was alive. Madi was back. Bellamy was looking at her with pure adoration. She was so, so very sick of the sadness that plagued her heart. And she had done all she could.

With that, came an unfamiliar flicker of peace in her usually fiery heart.

For the first time in forever, Clarke was able to accept that she deserved to allow all that comfort in. All that reassure. All that love. All from Bellamy Blake.

The guilt and the pain was still there. She knew that parts of it always would be, and that was her weight to carry. Her price to pay. But she also had a chance to allow herself to heal. And now, she was going to take it.

She was no longer afraid. Love was no longer a weakness.

So, Clarke launched herself back into Bellamy's arms, feeling some of her sorrow fade in his embrace. He held her tight, a hand in her hair, and his breath on her neck— just like always.

Clarke had never felt so hopeful.

Because, this time, it felt right to stay. This time, she was finally ready to truly love him.