Dear Dad,
It's been about a year and two months since you passed, and I don't know how time's managed to move so fast because I'm still trying to figure out how to live without you. I've never felt a greater pain in my life than the day I lost you. I still wake up in the morning thinking this is a nightmare, and you're not really gone. The day you passed, I wasn't even sure how I was going to make it through the night. When you died, my grief became so overwhelming and suffocating that I felt like I too was dying on multiple occasions.
There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss you. You were my best friend, my biggest supporter, and my hero. I'll never know a man dorkier, funnier, or more caring than you. My heart hurts knowing that you'll never get to see me go to prom, graduate, or be there to walk me down the aisle. My husband and children won't get to know the most amazing man to ever be in my life. Every celebration isn't as joyful as it was with you, every success doesn't feel real without you there cheering, the gatherings, everything's lifeless. You left an imprint, a gap, that nothing even seems to have the slightest capacity to fill.
Your last moments keep replaying in my head. I recall the last conversations we shared, I remember seeing your smile from across the room. Other than that, I'm forgetting the way you'd always look at me with pride-filled eyes during track meets or games I'd cheer at. I'm trying so hard to remember your laugh and the sound of your voice. I'm losing you more and more each day and desperately clinging to the memories. Usually holidays are filled with joy and happiness, but I don't know how I'm going to make it through them each year without you there, without dying a little more inside. I used to think you yelling, "Larry!" at games and cheering me on during track meets was the most embarrassing thing, but I'd give anything for you to do it one more time.
It's not fair that you're gone. You brought so much joy to those around you, and you touched so many people's lives. I will forever be beyond grateful for all that you've done for and given me in life. I'm beyond proud and honored to be your daughter.
Thank you for always being there for me whenever I needed anything. Thank you for always taking care of me when I was sick. Thank you for always caring about me and being so overprotective. Thank you for always making sure I got where I needed to be. Thank you for shaping me into the person that I am today. Thank you for teaching me all the lessons I needed to understand growing up. Thank you for taking me everywhere I needed to go. Thank you for giving me money to do things even when it was all you had. Thank you for always pushing me to be the best that I can be. You only ever wanted me to be the best I could be and all I want to do in life is make you proud. I love and miss you so much and I wish you were here.
Love always,
Jess.
