An Idol's Sister | BTS

-37-

I didn't feel tired nor sleepy. I was restless after crying my way back to my apartment.

All I could think of was how Jungkook could stalk me at the middle of the night?

I had made sure that the three guys in the living room had gone to bed and made sure that I left as quietly as possible.

I had assumed that Jungkook would sleep in Jin's room since he hadn't stepped inside his own room ever since I came to unwind myself from the E-mail.

I gave out a long sigh. If I wasn't going to head to bed, then I had to do something other than (not really) relaxing on the couch and staring into space.

Journal, my conscience said.

I needed my journal right now. I needed to let all my feelings out. I couldn't keep it all bottled up inside of me or I would go insane.

I hurriedly went to my room, throwing all the books on the bed and trying to find the journal I had kept. I found it under all the papers I've been editing.

I grabbed a black pen and opened my journal. A folded paper fell out.

I did a quick check around the room if anyone was watching, getting paranoid because of past events.

I checked back to back to see who had written this letter. There was no note nor ink splattered onto the paper at all.

I opened it, making sure I was careful enough not to tear the crisp and yellowish paper apart.

At first glance, one might think that this was written in the nineteen hundreds, but I knew exactly who had written this.

My stepmother.

I already felt a knot in my stomach with just the thought of her. Why, out of all people to ever walk on the planet, did it have to be from her?

Her handwriting was very unique and she has always set herself apart because of it. I couldn't bring myself to read and understand what she had written.

But I had a gut feeling that I had to do this. I had no idea why, but I just had to.

Y/N,

I know we are not on very good terms, but please listen to me.

You deserve an explanation...for everything. From the day you were born, I know you have experienced many different feelings.

I am sure that you have experienced a lot of sadness or anger when it came to you thinking about me.

I am supposed to be your mother, but the way I have been treating you for your whole life makes it seem like I am not.

I have no excuse at all. I just want to tell you why I have been acting like this. I am guilty for every horrible thing I have done to you, I accept it.

The very first thing I will tell you is that you are not my biological daughter. There is no easier way to explain that.

Jungkook is related to me by blood, in case you are wondering.

Before you tear out this letter, please read on to find out why I was not the one who conceived you.

Long before you were born, your father was a womanizer. Let me make it clear to you that he never went to a brothel, so you were not conceived by a prostitute.

Your real mother and I were best friends. We were inseparable until that eventful day came.

Your father always toyed with the girls around the university and unfortunately, I fell victim.

I won't tell what happened that night, but just know that when the sunrise came, your mother was very angry at me. To the point that it seemed like she would never forgive me.

That is because...your father was her type. She liked him and saw the good in him even if he had a bad reputation. She always dreamed that she would be the lucky woman who would be able to capture his heart and that she would change him into the gentleman she wished for.

Her life was completely fine until that night. Her best friend had betrayed her. I betrayed her.

I will not try to justify myself except that I was still young and immature. And because of that, your father had accidentally impregnated me.

With an unwanted child in my womb and no one by my side to help me, I fled.

Thailand was the first place I thought of. I had always gone there for my summer vacation and since I knew the place well enough, I was confident that I could find an adoption center.

And I was lucky enough to find one. I had a child in the hospital then dealt with the several papers I had to go through to make sure that the baby was in the adoption center with the knowledge of the government.

A few months after giving birth, I headed back to Korea. Everyone I knew had been waiting for the day they would all be free from studying; graduation day was coming.

The very first thing I had noticed was your mother's absence in the classroom.

All right, you may be thinking: "Of course, she's not there, you're behind schedule because of your pregnancy."

And yes, that is correct, however, I never saw her in the hallways of the university. Other than that, your father had changed massively.

He was much better than he was compared to the past. I figured that he was probably dating your mother.

Although one thing that made that seem untrue was the fact that your mother was missing, so I decided to ask him about her.

He didn't smile nor frown. "You'll see," he told me.

I never forgot about his words until I was finally working hard in the office. It had been a few years since I graduated, yet I never came across the presence of your mother.

I could not take it anymore, so I decided to ask him again. This time, he was in tears.

He had not answered my question, but I stayed and comforted him until he stopped weeping.

It was not until a few years later when we married (Note: We did fall in love, but that story might bore you) and had Jungkook, when he decided to tell me what happened to your mother.

She was a victim of a car accident.

Afterwards, he left me with my thoughts to go to the adoption center. I wondered why on earth he would need to go there.

When he came back, he brought in a little girl: You. I remember feeling restless at night because of the fact that you looked exactly like your mother.

I was angry, of course. I could not think of a single reason why, but innately, I just did.

The moment you stepped into the house, I hated you. You had all the features your mother had and I could not fathom the fact that your father and your mother were lovers and had a child. (This was what he told me on the same night I felt restless)

I know that it is probably a stupid and selfish reason to act the way I did, and I have no excuses for it.

All I can do now is ask for your forgiveness.

Sincerely,
Your mother