disclaimer;;; this is not an essay or a poem.
it's currently raining outside my house, teeny tiny droplets of water are like magnets that are slowly dripping down from my window. it's that time of the year again where i get to spend nearly all of my time to my bed. rainy season.
i havent listened to a lot of sufjan stevens but i recently looked back at my other playlists and saw my old thirteen year old self viewing the world differently because of his songs. so i listened to him again.
listening to his music is almost like a cure to any type of heartache. shines hope like a warm sunrise. it simply takes you to a time or a moment where you feel utterly lost or when you go back to those times where life is all good.
his voice, the atmosphere, his aura. all of which feels like a total memory, a sunken well running down into a never ending abyss.
as i was listening, i thought of something i never quite expect i would even think about.
love is a thing that we all know about and probably all of us has experienced it. whether it could be puppy love, friendly type of love or lover kind of love.
i always noticed how people act towards this, the 21st century is one of the most confusing centuries the world has ever been, probably. since people suddenly became more inhumane and lost all kinds of kindness and respect it became a habit for us to be selfish, to be excellent or be cunning at lies. to be wrapped around hate and lust. to be impatient, to make quick judgements.
at every newspaper, we see another dead body near the streets or a robbed bank or a girl being killed after being raped by men.
it's sad to see how people grow to be like this. grow into liars, thieves and killers.
and as this type of culture grows, we slowly lose our capability to love.
to love openly with hesitation or boundaries, to be filled with gratitude and happiness.
"i want someone to love me for who i am"
such a standard line for anyone, right?
sounds unbearably cheesy especially when it's mostly used as captions for weird ten year olds at twitter.
but, if you really think about that ten worded sentence, you would want to feel that way too.
imagine someone loves you because of how you eat your instant noodles. imagine someone loves because of how bad your handwriting is. because of the way you play the piano or how you dance freakishly at a club or how you chug a large glass of iced tea or how you killed that song at a karaoke bar.
imagine someone loving you for simply who you genuinely are.
not caring about your fake eyelashes or the size of your thighs or the pimples beneath your double chin.
sounds really like a dream to be in and unfortunately, its slowly becoming one.
because of every negative thing we have in our 21st century culture, it became, almost rare for us to find people who will truly love us for who we are.
and that reality sucks as much as a thorn hits your bruised ankle.
well I guess we all have our time and our moment.
sufjan just reminded me how lost we are in the world.
in our lives.
we became these self-centered people who only cared less about the people who aren't ourselves.
and that hurts me, as a teenager who barely even been loved like that before.
this mind dump is all about love and i'm apologizing now because it probably sounded way cheesier than i thought.
so that's all.
bon iver, sufjan stevens, maybe someone else?
we'll see.
12:22 pm / july 1, 2019
cold, rainy afternoon during the cold season
