reality ➳ sm (discontinued)

fourteen

shawn

it's the night of justin's party and i honestly don't want to go but i need to get my mind off shit. i have so much press interviews, studio sessions, campaigns i'm shooting and other personal shit. it's too much.

i'm currently in the gym lifting weights, i'm dying over here. my personal trainer back in toronto is a beast, i need him right now. there's so much anger i wanna get out. punching bags maybe? i had my airpods in, it's playing kanye right now. i've briefly spoken to hailey. we're pulling up to justin's party together, says the management.

how about sophia? is she coming? i haven't spoken to her either. i should check up on her. no matter how i feel, i feel it's a right i need to check up on her. "i think that's enough bud, you've been in here for two hours" justin comes strolling into the hotel gym.

"ten more minutes" i say heavily breathing as i punch the bags. it swings back and forth until i punch it harder. i feel him standing there, looking at me like i'm some angry maniac. a maniac who has so much anger inside of me that i can never show because i can never let my fans see me like this. they mean too much to me.

"i know it's hard, you can smash this bro. you'll be home soon" he says. i stop for a minute, i hear his footsteps grow quieter as he walks out. it's just me in the gym. my phone rings inside my bag. i take off my gloves and look at the caller id.

"hello shawn?" she says as soon as i accept. i let out a sigh.

"hey" i respond. she stays quiet for a second.

"where are you? wanna get something to eat?" she asks me. it's 11am in the morning. new york streets are already busy this time, especially on a saturday.

"um, i have a studio session booked. i'll be a few hours" i tell her. as much as i want to talk to her, i really need studio time. i have a song that i am willing to get done. she doesn't say anything. what does she wanna talk about so bad?

"i can do afterwards at about four o'clock" i say. "is that good for you?"

"no, i can't. i have a press interview" she tells me. i sigh heavily and drop my hand to the side of my leg.

"i'll see you tonight. i gotta go. bye" i say hanging up.

i finally arrive at the studio and walk in the booth with teddy, scott, dimitry and other important people. "okay, let's finish where we left off yeah?" i question. they all excitedly nod and ready to work.

this song i finished so quickly. it's seems to be a pattern for all my favourite songs. when it feels right, it comes quick.

oh i'm good at keeping my distance 
i know you're the feeling i'm missing
you know that i hate to admit it
everything means nothing if i can't have you

we listened to everything, re-recorded sounds, lines, the instruments. not a lot, just a touch ups and it sounded so right. i can't wait for the world to hear this.

"this is a banger!" justin stirling exclaims. i handshake him and laugh along with him. "will be a smash. telling you now"

"forreal, congrats brother" scott tells me. i grin. everything is sorted too. the cover, title...everything.

i've been working with my tour manager and team on my visuals for stage and i came up with a cool concept to have the cover art as one of the visuals.

my fans wouldn't suspect a thing. can't wait till i see their reactions and tweets. they make my day everytime.

although i start tour very soon, this song would have to be released during the tour so it won't be for a while but it will come soon enough.

hours go by and i had just gotten ready for justin's. i really do not feel like going but i don't have much of a choice.

hailey is here to pick me up so i walk out of the liff and spot the black suv. i quickly get in avoiding the little rain that was spitting.

"hey" she softly says. i sit on the passenger side.

"hi" i greet back. i don't look at her yet. instead, i focus on the outside streets.

"you're not gonna talk to me?" she questions with a subtle tone. she chuckles. "shawn"

"what else do i say to you? what do you want me to say?" i ask facing her. this time, she focuses on the road. "we weren't ever exclusive"

she looks at me for a moment, "yes we were shawn, you know that" she tells me. i scoff.

"how? we never discussed it hailey. on the plane, you said it yourself. you asked me what we were and then you hit me yourself having feelings for another guy. you wanna call us exclusive?" i fire back. she doesn't reply.

"is that why you're so unbothered with sophia and i? that i'm a father now?" i add. she gives me a look. she looked pissed off.

"shawn, that is nothing to do with us. of course, your child deserves both parents to be in his life. us in a relationship or not, i wouldn't force you out of their life" she tells me. "like i even have the right to"

"then who am i to say i have the right to stop you from seeing justin? you've probably been doing it all this time anyway" fuck. i did not mean to say the last sentence. she furiously shakes her head at my comment. i rest my elbow on the door and rub my forehead out of frustration.

"you're unbelievable" hailey comments. i look at her. she looks like she's about to cry. i heavily sigh. fuck. the rest of the car ride was silent.

we finally got to the venue, it was a club. the music was blaring. i got out of the car and waited for her. there was paparazzi at the entrance waiting for celebrities to walk in or out. i hold out my hand for her to take. whether or not she wanted to, we didn't have a choice. she just looks ahead but connects our hands. we walked in and shielded out hands in case of blindness.

we walked in and immediately disconnected out hands. she walked up to her girls so i walked to the bar and sat down. "yo, shawn. you ain't even legal here my dude!" the familiar bartender speaks to me. i laugh and give him a bro hug over the bench.

"help me out here. i need one" i plead. omar hands me three shots of tequila along with slices of lemon and salt. he knows what i'm about. i grin at him and slap a twenty dollar bill on the table.

"damn mendes, going for it huh?" drake comes up to me. i had just downed all three of my shots as he came up. i give him a bro hug or whatever you call it.

"a lot of shit going on right now" i tell him loudly over the music. he gestures to go chat somewhere quieter. we end up sitting on a couch with a few more people but they're busy in their own conversations.

"i heard what happened with sophia" he says. i let out a huff. i nod my head. "do you know who the father is?" he asks me.

"me. it's me and she hit that shit from me for six whole fucking months" i curse. i lean back on the sofa and rest my arm on the top. i shake my head, it makes me furious thinking about it.

"how you feel about it?" he asks me is this an interrogation now?

"angry. i'm angry at her for keeping it from me. don't you think i deserved to know? he's my child as much it is hers" i say pointing at my chest.

"think about it from her perspective bro. i don't know anything but from what i've heard, you had a messy break up. she was probably in shock, in disbelief or denial. either way, it would have been hard for her to fess up. she's carrying the baby"

"if she had an abortion or not, i would support her. i will still support my child, i just can't get how she could hide something like this from someone. this goes to show that i can't trust her and everyday i think what else she had lied to me about or what else she is hiding you know?"

he nods, "yeah i get you. at the end of the day, you are both parents to your child. i know you two are young. you both have time but this child. he'll make you start to realise shit and and he'll change both of your lives, separate and together. so whatever you decide to do, think about your child" 

-

a/n; wow, you're probably fed up with me apologising for not updating and this time i won't say that i'm officially back on track but i do miss writing this story and i pray that i stick to it.