Schwerelos

Ugliness

I feel dumb
because for one second
I thought that I could be more than I am,
I thought I could be something else than a disappointment.

I worked harder
and I got better
and I tried everything to become who I want me to be.
But looking in the mirror
I realize there is nothing else to see.
There are the same sad eyes
the same dull hair
a hundred million tries
couldn't make this any less unfair.
Because I'm looking at the same torn skin
and the same broken heart
confessing hundreds of sin,
sweet lies dropping from lips
unseen in the dark.
And I'm touching my reflection,
fingertips dipped in gold,
but the glass is cracking,
the sound of dying souls.
And I realize
I'm no different than I was before.
Chaos like me
can't be kind.
There is no beauty
in this destructive mind of mine.

I feel dumb
because I was taking the first step towards you.
No response
and I know you must take me for a fool.
Because you see that I'm not beautiful,
you see that I'm not enough
and you must know that no make up in this world
could cover ugliness up.