Church reservation. Check.
Reception. Check
Food and drinks. Check
Invitations. Check.
Boquets. Check.
Guests. Check
Wedding suit. Check
Wedding dress. Check
Grooms men and Bride's maid. Check.
Groom?
Bride?
Family?
Future? Together?
Only if life is as easy as putting check marks on the paper, no one will be miserable and sad.
Only if love doesn't need to undergo trials and challenges, no one will stay late at night, crying, with their hearts broken.
Only if the future is promised, no one will strive hard to make it a good one.
And those are only "ifs". Sadly the only thing we can do is to always hope that everything in our lives will go as we want it.
Ngunit hindi ganoon.
Life is one heck of a rollercoaster ride; full of ups and down, obstacles and loops and of break ups and break through.
Hindi ibig sabihin na kapag nasa taas ka na, masaya at kuntento ay hindi ka na maaaring bumagsak muli at masaktan.
Life isn't promised to be like that. Life never settle to happiness alone. Life plead and ensured undying grief and agony.
Kahit na akala mo ay perpekto na ang lahat ay hindi pa rin pala. Kahit na akala natin ay wala ng maaaring manira pa ay mayroon pa rin pala. Life always surprise us. And when it does, it always come with an unending bomb.
"Yes Father, I do."
Tumulo ang isang patak ng mainit na luha mula sa aking mata nang marinig ang apat na salitang iyon mula sa taong pinakamamahal ko.
Sa taong ipinaglaban ko ng mahabang panahon, sa taong nagmamay-ari ng aking puso, sa taong inakala kong makakasama ko sa habang buhay.
I fell in love with him 6 years ago. At sa anim na taon na iyon ay araw-araw kong pinapangarap ang sandaling ito.
Him, wearing his best tuxedo inside the church, in front of his whole family, beside me on a wedding dress, sabay na haharap sa Panginoon upang magsimula ng bagong buhay ng magkasama.
I dream of this every single night. I have dream of becoming his wife. The mother of his children. The head of the households. His other half. His comfort zone. The woman he'll come home to after a very tiring day at work. The woman who'll feed him every morning and dinner. The woman he'll kiss goodnight and embrace while he's asleep. The woman who will celebrate his 80th birthday with.
The only woman who will stay beside him for the rest of his life.
I aspire to be that woman.
But now I am just the woman who is standing at the end of the church, watching him marry the woman that I am not. Here at the back door, wounded and bleeding and wanted to die silently.
"Eris... let's just go. Please." Turan ng isang malapit na kaibigan.
Right. I must go.
Go and leave him with the life he has chosen for himself. The life he has chosen for the both of us.
Akala ko noon ay pinakamasakit na ang mag-paraya para sa pangarap ng iyong pinakamamahal. Akala ko ay masakit na ang paghihiwalay ng matagal na panahon.
Ngunit walang katumbas na sakit ang marinig at makita siyang mangako sa harap ng lahat, sa harap ng kanyang pamilya at sa harap ng Diyos na mamahalin at aalagaan ang taong hindi ikaw.
Hindi na ikaw Eris. Hindi na at hindi na kahit kailan magiging ikaw. This game is over. Tama na. Talo ka na.
He is not your MVP anymore and will never be. He is now the grown up man who just once promised to give you the world.
You may be his greatest love, but you are not the one who he ends up with.
-----
alshamarab
