Athazagoraphobia (Squip x Jeremy)

14. Try Try Again

A/N

That moment when you promise smut in the next chapter but then the characters are like "WE DON'T FEEL LIKE FUCKING RIGHT NOW, SORRY." and you're like "GODDAMMIT!" So oh well no smut

Mini questionnaire for you, my dudes

1) Do you like smut or don't want smut?

2) If I were to write another story, of any genre (fan fiction or otherwise), what would you want to see in it? 

Keep in mind whatever I write will always be gay, the world has enough straight people running around.

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Jeremy placed his feet flat on the floor, releasing a heavy sigh. He looked around, seeing Squip. He sat at his desk, head hanging to one side. Jeremy stood, walking over and tapping the side of Squip's chiseled face. "S-squip?" he asked tentatively.

Squip opened his eyes, surprised to see Jeremy's face in his. "Oh, hey Jeremy. I guess I fell asleep. I didn't really know I could do that..."

Jeremy chuckled, sliding his arms around Squip, burying his face in his chest. "Maybe you're a little bit more human than you thought."

Squip didn't respond, pondering the words. They hit a little too close to his art. Mostly because he wasn't supposed to have a heart. But looking at Jeremy's blushing face and large eyes, he couldn't deny that something inside him stirred. He couldn't place what the something was exactly, but it made crazy desires flood his synthetic neurons.

He pressed a chaste kiss to his lover's lips, placing a hand on his cheek. Jeremy smiled against him, holding him a little closer. Squip couldn't get Rich's words out of his head.

He's like, really not okay.

Jeremy seemed fine. He didn't seem depressed or anxious, but there was something, a tiny subtle twist in his lips that made Squip wonder. The way he'd smile for a second and go back to a blank expression.

He pulled back from Jeremy for just a moment, pressing their lips together once more. Jeremy tightened his grip on Squip, tilting his slightly. Squip slid his tongue into his mouth, standing up with Jeremy in his arms. The smaller boy squealed, digging his nails into Squip's shoulders. He groaned as Squip tossed him onto the bed, watching as the man crawled on top of him, an evil grin spreading across his face.

Jeremy squeaked as Squip ground their hips together, tossing his head back. Squip used this as an opportunity to begin kissing his neck. He teased his skin with his mouth, making Jeremy moan loudly, unable to hold back. Squip shook his head, laughing as he pulled his shirt off, tossing it who knows where.

Jeremy's hands flew to his stomach, running his hand up and down his smooth skin. He grinned, rubbing their crotches together. Squip gasped, tugging at Jeremy's hoodie. "Off." he demanded.

Jeremy redded an impossible shade of red, stammering some excuse of why he couldn't but Squip had already pulled it off of his wiry frame. Jeremy cringed, squeezing his eyes shut. Squip furrowed his brows, stopping rotating his hips against Jeremy's.

He looked down at the boy, wondering what had caused him to shy away. Did he have bad breath or something?

That's why he saw it.

"Jeremy!" he shouted, leaping off of him.

He sat up, hugging himself. Tears rolled down his cheeks. "I'm sorry!"

Squip fell to the floor, placing his hands on Jeremy's knees. He looked into the boy's large eyes, wiping a tear away from his face. "Jeremy... Why, why would you do this?"

He took his hand, examining the cuts along his wrist. They weren't very deep, looking like Jeremy just wanted to... Explore? That wasn't a word that should be placed with cutting oneself. Squip didn't know how to describe it in more human terms. The cuts were experimental, but they could get worse. They could get much worse.

His head filled with numbers of suicide rates.

10th leading cause of death

He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Jeremy close to his chest. "Why did you do this?"

"I don't want to be forgotten, left, left alone. Michael left, m-maybe you'll leave me, me too."

Majority white males 

"I'm not going to leave you."

 One soul lost every 15 seconds

"But, but..."

Squip pressed his lips to Jeremy's, shutting him up. Three words were at the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to say them.

He thought about Rich and Michael. Could they be right?

He rubbed a hand through Jeremy's hair, breaking their kiss. "I won't let you be forgotten Jeremy. "

So many people let themselves disappear, giving up on any hope for life. He didn't want Jeremy to end up like that. Whatever feud that had started with Michael and Rich had to end, for Jeremy's sake of not his own. 

He sighed, pulling Jeremy into a hug. "Please don't do this, please."

Jeremy shuttered, burying his face in Squip's bare chest. "I'll try."