fade to gray (frank ocean)

white.

andres.

       "the fuck you saying? step out the crowd, i can't hear you." i instructed. i grimaced as i heard sounds of a raging party behind him going, and the blast of the latest twerk anthem blared straight to my eardrum. "today, please, i still wanna be able to hear when i'm done talking to you."

he sighed. "andres, i said i don't think i wanna do this no more."

my heart stopped. "what you mean, you don't think you wanna do this?"

"it feels wrong."

"so? i pay you well enough to silence the angel on your shoulder," i growled.

"nigga, i don't give a fuck about the money no more."

i laughed bitterly. "who are you, and what have you done with the cam i know?" if i didn't know that he existed on a high of his own, i would've asked him if he was high.

"maybe...maybe i wanna tell lo-i mean, chris, the truth."

my one button, the pendejo just had to push it. "never say that name to me again," i seethed. instantaneously, my vision went to red and that was all i could saw. "his bitch ass don't even exist."

that mickey mouse on cocaine laugh. "he's very much alive, andres. wanna talk to him?"

"fuck you."

"nah, i'm skraight." more laughter at his own pun, then he got serious again. "but forreal doe, i ain't lying for you no more. i'm gonna tell him-"

"tell him, you're a dead man," i warned.

"the drugs are gonna kill me anyway, you just finishing up the job." 

damn, how do you threaten a lonely man who doesn't fear death? 

i had to think quickly. "keep fucking with me, i'll speed it up."

       "okay? you got until the end of the night until i tell him, so get ready. keep your fucking hush money bruh, ion need it. dope gives me enough anyhow, and there's only so much shit money can buy."  he hung up on me.

       i dropped my phone and sank into the plush carpet cushioning my feet. why did he have to have morals? morals that would fuck up everything i've spent so much effort into just with a few words? if things didn't flow exactly the way i'd planned it, there wasn't a fucking point in anything i did anymore. 

       like any other great leader in the face of distress, i replanned the game to play out in my favor. "goldie!" i yelled. while i waited on her to come in, i straightened myself out so that the signs of the mini-breakdown i just had weren't evident. i had to play my part as andres, ruthless dope dealer, well, and panic didn't go well with that image i tried so hard to sell to the world.

       instantly, she appeared to me, and her golden hair held the luster of the dim light behind her. "si?" i knew i made her nervous, since she kept wringing her hands on the hem of her dirty yellow apron every time i looked in her general direction. fear, hate and determination resounded in her eyes.

       "aquí." i commanded sweetly, deliberately putting the words softly in our common mother tongue to put her at ease. she walked closer to my desk with her doe eyes searching mine, then she took a step back. "closer." i patted my desk, then my lap. "your choice," i smirked.

she sat on my desk, but not without hesitation. okay. "sí?" she asked again.

i put a finger to her lips to silence her, then dialed a number. "emiliano, get him on the phone." i switched the phone to speaker. "decir."

"umm.... who's this?" 

goldie's eyes filled with love. "jake?"

"mommy! hi, mommy!" 

"jake, they treating you good over there?"

"real good, mommy. they gimme chicken nuggets and orange soda a lot, and they my favorites!" 

"alright, mijo."

"mommy, i-" i hung up the phone right then and there. 

"want to have him in your arms again, goldie?"

"yes, andres. more than anything." she almost started crying, but she held herself together. "what do you want me to do, eh?" i looked at her, and then a mutual understanding clicked into place.

"nothing inhumane, i swear. no murder, no stealing, no drug exchange. no jail for goldie." i promised innocently, getting closer to her ear. "just bring anise to me once more."

xxxxx

lonny.

"aye, nawlins!" 

my heart thudded in my ribcage when i heard figg speak to me. had he seen cam, or what? i needed to talk to cam, and the need was growing stronger the more the question i had for him burned in my mind.

"yeah?"

"i don't know where cam's at, man. i think he got ghost around 12." 

it was 3:16 AM. 

"fuck," i cursed.

       "aye, aye, aye, don't be like that, man. i'm sure whatever he had to tell you can wait until he comes to his senses and is on his normal high instead of a high high, aight?"  he clapped my back, and nodded his head at me as if to say, 'you good for the night, just let loose and chill.' it was true, i'd been on high alert all night. i hadn't even taken any drugs, since i wanted to be sure my words came out the way i had planned them to when i finally got around to seeing cam. or rather, when cam got around to seeing me.

figg disappeared into the crowd again when he thought that i was okay for the moment, that lazy smile adhered to his face.

 blaze wobbled over to me, looking dazed. "i wanna go home," she said quietly. i knew she was drunk, because she was slurring her speech and barely standing up straight in her heels. 

       "why?" i asked, guiding her into my car. i opened her door for her, then climbed into my seat. i took off my shirt and held it over her head to shield her hair from the rain, since i knew she'd spent a lot of time and effort doing it and seeing it curled up when it wasn't what she wanted would cause her distress tomorrow.

       "because some man was hitting on me, an'-an'-an'- and then he kept on saying something about, 'when your nigga's gone, imma take gooood care'a you.'" her gaze dropped, and then she started sniffling. "but i tol'im he a lie, cause i don't want another nigga but you, lonny! i don't never want you to be gone from me, never." now she was all-out sobbing, but quietly. "don't-" she hiccupped- "don't never leave me, lonny. please?"

       the days ahead of me were only a white blur to me. they held no promises, since they were empty. what's this, lonny? you obviously ain't feeling the same, the way you felt about her a month ago. life was already empty, but without her they'd be even emptier. so i told her a little white promise, "i won't." i mean, the promise was empty, but for her, it was enough to make her feel whole.

it was enough to make her feel safe and put her at ease, falling asleep with a smile on her face as she slept on my shoulder. i didn't know it, but i'd promised her the world.

a.n. - another chapter for y'all! lemme know what you think. ummmm. no updates of any kind tomorrow, since i have to clean my room. so, maybe to occupy yourselves, you can go and read my newest installment, 'ricochet' while you wait? *cheeses* thaaaank you!

1) what do you think cam is gonna tell lonny?

2) what does it have to do with andres?

3) is figg still not to be trusted?

4) should lonny have promised blaze not to leave her?

5) what do you think anise is up to?

6) is lonny officialy part of pimp squad now, or... ? 

[ ^ 6 was a joke]