Long hair

Part Eleven

I lied to you because you lied to me. TW

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊱⊶⊷⊶

PART ELEVEN

⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊱⊶⊷⊶

I think deep down the living part is killing me. An itchy feeling. Skin crawling all over. My whole body shakes with adrenaline.

Getting out of the mindset and finding a distraction is almost impossible when you don't know what's good and bad. All you can think about is doing it. Then if you don't you start to hate yourself further.

I don't even cry anymore and sometimes I'm even happy or just bored. Sometimes it has meaning, but 8 times out of 10, I just want to feel something for once.

The itching and burning make it only slightly regrettable. Once you start itching you don't stop, making what you've done 100 times worse. Opening up the small slits that you'd created not even 15 minutes ago only to potentially go over it to attempt to get the itching burning sensation away.

But it doesn't, it makes it worse, sleeping is impossible and going out in public is just as hard. Making you look like you can't stop itching at an area, angrily. It looks weird to people from an outward perspective.

Not that I choose to go out in public anyway. I hate people. I've lost them and I've gained them, only to lose them again. So why fucking bother if they're all going to run away anyway. People make promises only to break them. People say they'll stay, they don't. If anything it makes them leave faster, only to return and to break the same promise over and over again.

I won't change it for anyone. Not anymore.