08.08.19
I'm so fucking numb. I feel nothing. I'm trying to keep going but I feel like my whole existence is clouding over itself. A massive barrier blocking happiness which I can't break.
I can truly say I've given up trying now. I'll do anything to feel something.
Alcohol is a start, it helps. Though it's monitored now, before, I had access to it. I would go down in the middle of the night and just grab a can of beer, I'd sneak it upstairs by hiding it in my oversized top. Sometimes I wouldn't even finish it. I just liked the taste of it. Other times, on one occasion I tried to drown everything out. I got really drunk in my room and ended up being really ill.
All I wanted to do was feel something, though I learnt my lesson.. drinking still helps me forget about my problems for a while and allows me to feel an ounce of true happiness for even a split second.
I don't care if I get caught for doing anything I shouldn't. I deserve to be punished if I do something bad. That's why making the most of a situation is a must.
You never know when it'll change.
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Long hair
General FictionAn overview of the battles I face once my Mother was diagnosed with cancer and the battle which my family and I have to face, before and after the events. The things that helped me get through it, and the things that ruined me. TW all throughout. &l...
