Purified - Bennoda

Chapter Two

I managed to get a good rest after smoking the bowl of weed, making sure I put it back where I found it. I promised myself it was a one time thing, just to soothe the nightmares for an evening. Still tired, I'm awakened by a preppy Mike, always being the morning person. Before I could whine about being woken up, he hands me a cup of sweetened coffee that swoons me with it's calming aroma. I thank him and he informs me we were about to have a band meeting and it was noon, I nodded and he went to the small den in the bus where the others presumably were located.

Sipping the coffee gingerly, I slowly change into fresh clothes, being sure none of the others could see as I changed my pants. I could never expose my legs to them as they would reveal the self abuse I committed in my youth. Not long and I join the others in the back of the bus, sitting on the couch next to Mike, Brad to his left. Joe and Rob sat off to the right of us on a bench, Phoenix pouting as he sat on the floor in front of them - I couldn't help snickering at the bassist.

"Sorry to wake you, Chester, but we're going to be very busy on tour and I needed to fill you all in on some details," Mike started, taking charge of the band as usual, which all of us were grateful for as none wanted that position. We were all equal in the band, of course, but Mike was great at keeping track of what was going on and when.

"It's fine," I reassured him and sipped my coffee, eyes tired and struggling to focus.

"So, I know you all love sleeping in the tour bus and all," Mike said sarcastically, earning a soft laugh from each of us. "But we're going to be staying at hotels mostly this tour, since we're playing multiple venues close to each other."

"We're just playing in a few nearby states, right?" Phoenix asked from his place on the floor and Mike nodded.

"Yeah, a few shows in Nevada, Arizona, and then we'll finish it off back in California," Mike explained. "It's a short Music for Relief tour, so everything goes towards the charity."

"Alright, I'm excited," Brad spoke up, a big smile on his face as he set his hands on both his knees. "Do we have other musicians joining us?"

"Yeah, quite a few, actually - especially for the Vegas shows. If you're curious, I can ask who's all going to be there because I'm not quite sure," Mike suggested, but Brad just shrugged his shoulders.

"I'll just look it up online," He chuckled, Mike nodding in agreement and sighing.

"Alright, that's all for now, the tour doesn't start for a couple days yet, but we'll be at the hotel in a few hours," Mike checked the time on his phone as he talked. "Band meeting dismissed, but Chester, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Um, yeah, sure," I stayed in my spot next to Mike as the rest of the band cleared the room. "What's up, buttercup?"

"Chaz, you're my other half when we're out on tour, the yin to my yang, my best friend, so please don't lie about this, especially because you should know I won't be mad," He started and I immediately grew tense, wondering what on earth he was talking about.

"What's up, man? What are you talking about?" My heart started to race as my head filled with endless possibilities - half of which improbable. I wondered if he noticed something was wrong with me or he somehow knew about Charlie and wanted to confront me about my past. It was truly impossible, but I couldn't help the pieces of me that wished that was it, that he'd confront my issues for me and wrap me in his arms, trying to convince me the past wasn't my fault and that no one could hurt me.

"This morning I found the bus driver's stash of marijuana and I confronted him about it. I just didn't want him to be high and driving, but he thought I was going to fire him, so he told me some of it went missing and that it was probably you," He revealed just as my anxiety was about to reach its peak. I felt as though I was deflating as the worries soothed over, almost starting to laugh at how insane my thoughts were growing in anticipation.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," I assumed he'd be disappointed as the band knew about my past use with drugs and alcohol and that I used to smoke weed to keep myself from other drugs. I could never lie to Mike, I looked up to him too much. We had been gazing away from each other until that moment, when he turned in his spot to look at me.

"I just want to know if you were craving something else," He says straight up and truthfully, one of the many reasons why I had so much respect for him. Everyone else would be terrified to confront me about my usage or just unsure what to say, but Mike always spoke his mind and fears. "You've been having nightmares, haven't you?"

"I promise I wasn't after anything else, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner, but yes, I've been having nightmares lately," I've talked to Mike about how pot diminishes my nightmares, so I hoped he remembered that and understood.

"I wish you'd talk to me about them, it's not healthy keeping everything locked up inside, Ches. You should quit apologizing so much too, you have nothing to be sorry for. You're an adult, it's your life, I'm not going to tell you how to run it. I'd rather you talk to me instead of smoking weed, but I do understand talking might not be enough to keep those nightmares away. I just hope you know I'm here," Mike pulled me into a tight hug and sighed, I wrapped my arms around him in return and closed my eyes as tears began to fill them.

"I do know you're here," I choked out through tears, Mike pulling away when he realized I was crying. Appearing concerned, he grabbed both my hands with one of his, the other trying to clear away the waterfall of tears spilling down my face. "I just don't know if I am."