Purified - Bennoda

Chapter Thirteen

My song choice, Pretend to Be, must've caused some reaction to Charlie because he disappeared during the song. Perhaps because of the lyrics, he thought I was going to out him. I feel more empowered and gave the song a strong finish, the crowd seemed happy, but I wasn't. The thought that he believed I would point him out made me want to confess to the crowd about what I've gone through. Fans like the girl at the meet and greet in Vegas would feel supported and not so alone, neither would I. The fact he left just confirms my idea, it must've been why he never showed himself before. I guess he got a little confident considering it's been years and decided to show his face.

"Everyone, can I tell you a story?" I suddenly felt the words coming out of my lips, but I felt I had no control. The audience yelled back in approval, Mike giving me a concerned glance. "Some people doubt my credibility to our songs, don't believe in the emotion I put forth every day, and that's fine. They don't have to believe what I say or what I do, but it just shows how unaware those people are.

As a child, I suffered many years of sexual abuse. Too afraid to tell anyone, I put everything I felt into my songs - all of the negativity it brought and the hurt it caused resides in each and every lyric I sing. Repeatedly fans will come up to me and confess their own pasts similar to mine and I'm filled with guilt as they don't know they're truly not alone. I'm with you. I feel your pain as well as mine and do what I can to relate to you, to help ease both our pain with simply the acknowledgement that we're not alone, we're all together - stronger. The memories will never fade, but neither will the memories you all have brought me, the most happiness I've felt.

My bandmates - my family - helped me through so much, so it's no wonder they did the same for many of you. Truthfully, only Mike knew of this confession, I felt only able to open up to him, I was so full of shame and guilt. He helped me to understand I wasn't responsible for what happened, many of you may just need the same push he gave to me. Opening up to even one person can lift so much off your chest, so I beg you that if you've suffered as I have, just talk to one person about what happened. Open up your heart simply once to take some of that pressure off your shoulders."

The audience had remained silent as I spoke, letting each work sink in. Once I finished, I turned my back to them to speak with Mike, they roared in approval and concern, so many voices saying different things. The band was shocked and started approaching me, as my path was straight to Mike. Each of my bandmates had a hand on my arm when they reached me, except for Mike who was beaming silently, tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry to ask, could you guys entertain the crowd while I talk to Mike? We'll finish up when we're done and throw in a few encores for the fans," I asked the guys, but didn't look away from Mike. They silently obeyed, leaving my side and starting to talk to the crowd. Mike grabbed my hand and pulled me backstage.

"What happened, Chester?" His first and obvious question.

"I saw Charlie in the crowd, he left during Pretend to Be, so I ended up confessing I guess," Everything was still hard to process, it all happened so fast. I honestly don't know what I got into me, I suppose a burst of confidence and adrenaline.

"He was here?! Are you fucking serious?" His tone switched, he let go of my hands and had his balled into fists. "If you'd told me that when you asked to play Qwerty, I probably would've freaked out and hunted him down."

"Maybe I should've told you," I couldn't help smirking a little, I was starting to enjoy Mike's protective side. His fists opened and he smiled, pulling me in for a hug.

"Chester, you're so amazing," He murmurs into my hair as his head rests on mine. "I'm so sorry he came."

"Don't be, now it's out of the way. He was bound to show up eventually, telling the crowd ensures he'll never come back," I sighed, it was finally starting to feel over. Through all these years, that situation never really ended, it was just ignored - until now. I think I've finally set things straight once and for all.

"We better get back out there. You realize interviewers and the media are going to ask some potentially risky questions now, right?" He was clearly worried about how I was going to be treated on after this, but I think the change will be good.

"I'll only say what I'm comfortable with that day," I shrug and smile, feeling overjoyed. I finally said what needed to be and put an end to Charlie's games. I would still feel the pain from the memories and from causing it to myself, but I can live a little happier knowing he won't come around me ever again.

When Mike and I came back out, the crowd immediately noticed and started yelling all sorts of nonsense I couldn't make out. I met up with the other guys quick and told them we'd talk about this during a band meeting later, but for now to carry on with the set. Things were going to be a lot different from now on.