"It takes a very special kind of idiot to pull off what you just did."
"-Screw you! This never would have happened if you had taken your medication!"
[Short stories, The Jinchuuriki Alliance, random humour, OOCness, references, advice, etc. Doesn't...
Naruto childishly giggled as he slammed his palm down onto the ground. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu! (Summoning Technique!)"
A disinterested fox appeared into existence and bristled his fur.
Kurama, the Nine-Tailed Fox, had realised a couple of years ago that he could be summoned into the material world as long as his host had enough chakra. Naruto definitely had that, and he actually had the desire to bring Kurama into the world - in comparison to the past Kyuubi Jinchuuriki's.
"Wassup brat." He yawned. "I was napping."
Naruto straightened his back and stood up. "You've got a request, Kyuu."
The fox rolled his eyes. Initially, the nickname 'Kyuu' made him shiver and angry, as he was the most powerful Tailed Beast and why, oh why, was a child calling him 'Kyuu', but he got used to it. He called Naruto 'brat' and 'kit' after all.
"A what now?" Kurama was in his miniature form, if he had been summoned into his normal large form, then that may have caused a riot. But to be fair, Uzushiogakure didn't care much. They knew the deal.
Naruto tapped his shoulder and Kurama jumped up. Holding on with his claws, he wrapped two of his tails around Naruto's neck, and the rest secured itself around his shoulders. He wouldn't want to fall off.
"Yeah, so you heard that we're in an animated TV show, right?" Naruto awkwardly laughed.
Kurama raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, obviously."
"Huh?" Naruto paused as he was about to open the door and walk out. "You knew?"
Kurama burst out into a cackle, "I already live on a different plane of reality, and inside your mind. Why do you think I don't give a shit about anything?" He gave a deadpan expression. "Because I know that nothing matters."
Naruto shook his head in exasperation. "Why did you never tell me?" He continued walking out of his office and started strolling down the corridor, waving and greeting people as he did so.
Scoffing, Kurama replied. "Really? How would that conversation go?" Naruto shrugged, "Yeah, you wouldn't have believed me, kit."
Naruto hummed and slipped a note out from his pocket. "Fair enough. Anyway, these pieces of paper just keep appearing whenever we get a question. And this one is for you."
Kurama smirked and cocked his head to the side arrogantly. "It was about time, I'm basically the second main character in the whole show. Some people think it's Sasuke, but really, I've been there from the beginning so..."
"Hm, I guess you're right."
In that moment, Sasuke walked past them holding a middle finger up, "You're wrong, you overgrown rat, I'm the second main character." He was on his way to a meeting.
"Yeah, yeah, Uchiha-brat. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt." Kurama stuck his tongue out.
"Egypt?" Naruto questioned.
"Let's not open that topic for conversation yet. There's a lot you don't know, Naruto." Kurama dreaded to think.
They had reached the gardens. Naruto exhaled, snapped his fingers and Akihiko appeared. He huffed and handed his Danchou a cup of tea. Rolling his eyes, he disappeared again. It was great being the boss of a village, Naruto smiled haughtily.
He opened up the folded paper, the first few words made him spit out his drink in surprise. "What the fuck?!"
"Damn brat! You got tea all over my beautiful fur!" Kurama cursed and jumped off Naruto's shoulder, trying to shake it off.
The Nine-Tailed Fox was incredibly proud of his luscious orange-reddish fur. It was soft, and he forced Naruto to brush it at least once a week. He had to do it.
"You might want to sit down properly, ready?" Naruto sighed, running a hand through his sunny hair.
"Yep."
The Jinchuuriki then pressed his lips into a small, forced smile. "feveious, a reader, realised that she should ask you a question, Kurama." At the fox's nod, he continued, "What is it like seeing intercourse from your perspective?"
It shouldn't have been possible, but two little pink circles bloomed on Kurama's cheeks and he started spluttering in confusion, embarrassment, and pure agony.
"That is... Not appropriate to ask at your age, and this date and time..." He snapped.
Naruto tapped his chin, "I remember you saying that once to me, a long time ago. I'm literally a Kage-equivalent, I'm 20." He shook his head, "Although I never thought of that, I want to know too."
There was a brief moment of silence where Akihiko reappeared, dropped off a new cup of tea, and then disappeared again.
"...It can get loud." Kurama started, Naruto had the decency to blush. "You haven't had many... partners, being busy all the time and all. But even when you masturbate it's just-"
"You can stop there-"
"NO! You wanted to know, so I'm gonna let ya know, brat." Kurama jumped up and slapped Naruto across the face with a paw. "It's like I'm stuck inside a mind filled with endorphins and as if you're on some ecstasy drug-" He whined and curled up into a ball. "The only way I get through it is to knock myself out."
"Knock yourself out?" Naruto repeated, confused.
"I sometimes literally Biju-dama myself. I literally knock myself out, it takes a lot to knock a Biju unconscious."
"What."
Kurama sobbed, "Thank god you were more interested in the Alliance rather than sex during puberty, I really lucked out."
Akihiko reappeared with a bored face. "Lucky you, I was stuck with Haru and Kaoru during puberty." He rolled his eyes, "More tea?"
Naruto rubbed his temples, maybe those Biju-dama's were why it was so... explosive.
"Thanks Akihiko, yeah, I'm gonna need some more tea." He paused, "Bring a bottle of alcohol too."
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