Is This Crack? (Naruto CRACK Fanfic)

19. The Alliance's Input - Yagura

"Hello, children." Yagura snapped his fingers, instantly, Kaoru and Haru appeared into existence.

Haru held a cup of tea, and Kaoru lay on all-fours, on the ground, so Yagura was able to put his legs onto his back.

"I despise being put in this position." Kaoru muttered. "Quite literally." His forearms were starting to hurt from the embarrassing pose. He was a ninja goddammit! Not a foot-stool!

I mean, he knew that his abilities were similar to that of a clown, but that didn't mean that he could be treated like one.

Yagura pat his head sympathetically, "Must be horrible to not have any power in the face of true genius. What a shame." He straightened his back and sipped his tea. "I have been asked a question, and the author apologises for her tardy nature. University is hectic, but these are mere excuses." He waved his hand in dismissal.

Haru felt a bead of sweat slide down his face, "A-Ah, yes Sir, you are absolutely right. We pale in comparison to your almighty abilities."

Yagura hummed appreciatively, he pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it from his pocket. "Continuing, Canadian-ninja asks, Yagura, do you know that you have a grandson? Also, is Yukimaru your son?"

Haru snorted, "I can't see you as a father figure, to be honest." Yagura glared at him. "Oh, wait, actually I can. You're like a father figure to Naruto." Yagura smiled and nodded.

"You are absolutely right, I am very paternal." Yagura exhaled and tapped his chin, "Grandson... Son... I don't recall ever having one, but Orochimaru did take some of my DNA, and perhaps it was used to create this child, Yukimaru." He paused, "Oh shit, I have to find him, don't I?"

Kaoru pushed Yagura's legs off and sluggishly stood up. "Yes you need to find him! That's why he was able to use Isobu, the Three-Tails' abilities! He's your son!"

Dropping his 'posh' and 'genius' facade, Yagura groaned and held his head in his hands. "God dammit. Alright, I'll have to find Yukimaru, maybe Naruto will be able to help. I'm not sure about Grandson, because that hasn't happened yet. That's in the future. But oh god..."

Kaoru blinked and stood next to Haru, "Darling, I think we broke him."

Haru cautiously pat Yagura's shoulder, "We didn't break him, the damn Canadian broke him. Never trust Canadians."

"Damn Canadians."

"Where's Canada?"

"I have no clue."

"Hm."

Yagura lifted himself up off the floor and sighed, "No point dwelling over it now, I'll contact Naruto in an hour. We'll find this Yukimaru, somewhere, somehow, I SHALL NOT BE AN ABSENT FATHER!" He declared, then slumped back down onto the chair.

Haru laughed awkwardly, "Onto the next question, then?"

Yagura nodded dutifully, a steely expression back in his eyes and opened up the next piece of paper. "YuukiKarasu asks,  Yagura, would you rather date Naruto or Utakata?" He raised an eyebrow and delicately put the paper back into his pocket.

Kaoru snorted, there had always been speculation over what relationship those three had. They had helped start the Alliance together, so obviously were close. He vibrated with laughter until Yagura lifted his leg and slammed it down onto Kaoru's back.

"H-Hey! That hurt-!"

Yagura ran a hand through his hair haughtily, "Hush. Foot-stools don't talk." Kaoru pressed his lips together in irritation.

Haru faked a smile, "Yes, so what is your answer Yagura-sama?"

Yagura took a few seconds to think, and then smiled to himself. "Yes, I think it's the only correct option." There was a twinkle in his eye, "Why not both? Yes, I think both. Both is good."

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