A Wolf's Tale

6

Kendall... what the fuck have you done? You have me crying over your selfish ass and our defenseless unborn baby. You've left me a broken man, which I never used to be.

If I get over this, that's a big if... but if by some chance I do, I never want to be this broken again. I'm not defenseless, I'm strong and when I was little, I promised myself I would never be broken. That's what caused my mom's death... a broken, abusive man.

You are- were, the one person I truly loved. No, let me stop here. You are the one person I truly loved. All of those short relationships I had before you, that wasn't love. That was a horny thirteen year old that wanted nothing more than a girls attention. What I had with you was pure, undeniable love. The kind of love that only happens once in a lifetime.

Why were you the tornado that tore through my life and fucked everything up?

Well, I can't blame you to the full extent... I cheated on you. But that's because your words sucker punched me into that bar that lonely night and forced me to be close... almost intimate, with Sierra. Granted, I smelled like Sierra's perfume that night, but it meant nothing. She was trying to console me from losing you. Losing the one thing that was constant in my life.

My hatred towards you somehow shatter, however, I digress, I do miss you. Your gorgeous, faded freckles splattered on the bridge of your nose and plump cheeks. Your piercing green eyes which softened at each secretive glance at me. Your 'Don't give a fuck' attitude. You.

I've sat alone in my room for days now. I don't know exactly how many days... honestly, I lost count. The daylight comes and goes as fast as my lungs taking in shattered breath.

Although I've been lying on my bed, I haven't slept. The bed has curled itself around my body, slowly pulling me in each day. I don't think I've blinked in a while either. I haven't really moved much except during my anxiety attacks. Four attacks in the past hour.

Those have become a fun thing to happen. My body shakes profusely, I start choking on thin air because it feels like I'm drowning, I get dizzy just staring at the floor, oh and the chills although it is roughly seventy-six degrees in here and there is no breeze.

My hands haven't stopped shaking. Most likely because I haven't eaten. I don't know when the last time I ate or drank anything non-alcoholic was. The attacks could have caused the shaking, but who the hell cares?

I've drunk more alcohol than I've ever drank in my entire life. My liver stopped begging me to quit drinking after a case of beer in one sitting. My teeth have only been cleansed by the alcohol content in the vodka I'd mixed with a half can of White Claw in my mini fridge.

I don't even know what day it is. I think it's Friday, I'm not sure. I think Sierra and Kyle came in and sat with me... I'm not entirely sure of that either. If they did sit with me, either they didn't stay long or they didn't see the point in trying to comfort me.

My brain pounds in my aching skull. I think I have a hangover but I've consumed so much alcohol to the point of total numbness. Mental and physical numbness. My other personality stopped screaming at me, I guess I pissed him off... or got him drunk. Who knows? Who cares? His annoying voice is gone. Finally. Only took me eight years to get rid of that damn voice in my head.

Her smile, her cute little dimples, her little gap between her front teeth, the little brown freckles on her emerald eyes, her short, freckled, and round nose, and the scar that runs through the end of her left eyebrow sears onto my brain.

Her laugh fills my head. The kind of cutesy laugh that was contagious like a wildfire. When she laughed, her whole face lit up. Kendall is gone. My first love, my true love is gone.