Extra Special Boy

If you've met one...

There's a saying in the Autism world:

"If you've met one child with Autism, you've met ONE child with Autism."

What does that mean? No two children, typically developing or otherwise, are exactly the same. God is nice enough to let us all be our own person. This holds true for Autism as well. You could introduce me to a family with a son the same age and the same diagnosis and I'd be able to tell you that each child has his own triggers, self stimulations, perseverative behaviors, modes of calming, likes, dislikes, tastes: the list is endless, and it changes regularly (I will explain some of the terms, to my best ability).

I have met families with kids who seem so typical, you can't tell they have any ASD tendencies, and I've met others where it is so obvious that I have trouble keeping my mouth shut to avoid offending them.

I've been told by many different people: "I didn't know there was anything wrong with him? He seems so normal." Let me just clarify that statement. I have gone years thinking that very thing. Recently, I heard a Christian Radio Broadcast, and they were talking about this very subject. The author of a book (I don't remember the title) said that God is up to something big. He made these kids, autism and all. Now, I see Zach as Zach who deals with different abilities and challenges, not as Autistic.

Some people don't know how to ask, so they half ask, "What's up with Zach? Is he okay today?" And then I have to go into the explanation. I would rather someone ask me. I find many people just don't know how to deal with a child on the spectrum. I was that person, before Zach.

Here are some tips on "dealing" with Autism:

1). If you don't know how to ask, don't. Usually the parent will volunteer the information at some point in a conversation.

2). Smile! Encourage the mom or dad with a "you're doing a great job," or "my kids do that all the time." This is especially true in a tense social setting (church, large crowd, shopping mall). Kids on the spectrum get overwhelmed by too much going on (stimulation). Zach's coping mechanism for large crowds is to trace the wall with his eyes all the way around the room. He also does this with the edge of tables. He used to spin anything round with a skill that would make the plate spinner in the circus jealous. Give him a video game on the phone, and the problem is solved. He almsot literally completely drained my phone last night in children's church.

3). Offer to help. A parent with a child on the spectrum will gladly accept the right kind of help. If someone walked in and said: "I'm helping you clean today: no questions asked, no judgments, no remarks!" I would hug them and maybe tear up a little. Offer to take the child for a walk, or to the nearby park if you know the family well enough. Give the parent/parents a half hour to an hour "break" from the constant tug of war going on in the home.

I'll add to these as I think of them.

So, this chapter isn't so much a "what happened next" as it is a "how to" of being friends with an ASD family. Kindness is always the best way!

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The video was on Facebook. It's a beautiful video! Just wanted to share it!