we don't talk together

3 - Habit

Yoongi POV
Actually, I know. I know where it all goes wrong. I know it all too well. But now's not the right time to open up again that dark and twisted times of my life. Not today.

The thing is, the pain was too much. Too real. I was struggling long enough to the point it was all glued to my soul, my body, my mind. Unconsciously, even when I thought I've healed myself, it was still there.

I don't even remember how I manage to write the lyrics on that song. Maybe my deep consciousness moves my hand and runs me autopilot? I don't know, shit. But it's true.

Perhaps no matter how hard I push the memories away, it will somehow find its way right back to me. Mentally, if not physically. And I hate myself for it.

It was 20 months of being together. Yeah, I even still remember the exact date of our first date. First time i held her hands, first time i took her out, first time i said bluntly to her face that i love her, first time of every single moment we've been through. Together.

The thing is, it was all in the past. And it's been 5 and a half year now that I'm no longer talking about her. 6 silent years of not talking to her. 6 and a half year of not seeing each other. But, who's counting?

She came to me like thunder. Stroke me hard, change my life and leave just like a lightning. Her presence stitched to every inch of my existence like a habit.

Even after all these years, I realize she's still stitched inside me. But the stitch hurts, knowing I won't be able to have another chance to hold that hands anymore.

The stitch hurts, knowing I won't even dare to look straight to her eyes saying that I was sorry. That it was all my fault.

This train of thought coming right back flooding my head all my way back to the hotel until I don't even realize I was already inside my room. I feel so drained and worn out and passed out to the dream world.