we don't talk together

16 - For Both of Us

Yoongi POV

I woke up with her sitting by the bed next to me, back facing me. Did she even sleep with me last night? I stretch myself to gesture her that I already wake up. She turns to me. Puffy eyes bloodshot red, still give me a little smile.

"I am gonna leave soon." Startled, I wake up so fast that I suddenly sit up. "What do you mean?" She smiles, looking down.

"Last night, made me think about a lot of stuff, you know. About us, to be specific." Oh God, I know where is this coming. I want to cut what she's about to say but I can't even say a word.

"Seeing the whole situation, it's possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief lessens. But there's this variable that made it seems impossible. I know that both of us will be sad, and grieving over this for some quiet time. It may not go away completely, but after a while, it will not be so overwhelming. I believe, I should believe that time really heals."

She continues her words. "Our story has three parts. A beginning, a middle, and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still can't believe that ours...didn't go on forever." There it is, my heart sinks hearing those words. I want to shut her mouth and just kiss her and pulled her into my chest, but my body froze.

"There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have a feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well. So I take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me whenever I can." She ended it with a smile upon her face, but deep down I know that it hurts her so much. Her eyes tell me everything.

"I've been burdened by questions I've asked myself a thousand times since the last time we were together. I would be like, 'Why did he do it back then?' 'And would he do it again?' I know how much it burdened you too. So right now, you don't have to feel guilty, Yoongi. Right here, right now, it was I, you see, who ended it." She exhales a deep breath. I started to lose my mind.

"I wish I see this coming. God, I really wish." I laughed psychotically. "Is this really what you want? Can't you just give me another chance? Didn't we promise to be the better version of us? Now, where are you going? Do you want to leave me? When did everything stops?" I finally speak as if my words would change her mind. "Please, Yoongi, don't. Don't make it even harder than it's already been." She looks down, hiding tears that already rolling on her cheeks.

"It'll be hard, but life moves fast and we'll see each other again. I know that. I can feel that. Just like I can feel how much you care for me and how much I love you. But it's just...this relationship just...don't work for us. I can't never understand you enough and it pains me enough to the point I started hurting myself." She stated with pleading eyes. Her eyes that once filled with galaxy and beautiful stars, now being replaced with a whole darker shade of black that I am not even able to glance over.

"I love you, and I always will," She continued. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You were my best friend and my lover, and I don't regret a single moment of it. You made me feel content and alive, and I'll never forget you for that. You're always going to be the very best part of me. I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I have to leave, for both of us. This time I get to choose..."

As she spoke, I could feel myself shaking with sobs, and I continued to hold her shoulders for a long time afterward. When she about to walks out the door and we finally separated, I knew that it would be the last time I ever held her. I backed away, my eyes holding hers. "I love you, too." I said, as I kissed her temple for a minute. Savouring every last moment I have with her because this very last time might be really the very last time for us. And I pulled off.

"Goodbye." In a low raspy voice, she bids the farewell. She raised a hand and take away all the most beautiful moments in my life with her.

At that exact moment, I suddenly understood that even love and caring weren't always enough. They were the concrete bricks of our relationship, but unstable without the mortar of time spent together, time without the threat of imminent separation hanging over us.

Watching her walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right person comes along.