we don't talk together

7 - Encounter

Yoongi POV
She's not even flinching. I guess I am the one who flinches. I swear my eyes would go wide on her views. The corner of her mouth lifts when she's sure it was me she actually called.

"It's you." She smiles even wider. God, that smile.

"It's me." I don't know how to get myself together. It's confusing to me. I still have to figure out whether this might be a daydream to me. This bastard did not even close his eyes last night, so that's possible.

She's still smiling that beautiful views I would swallow every time I feel exhausted. She throws another question while I'm still admiring her perfectly shaped eyebrows I used to touch with my bare finger so she could sleep peacefully in my arms. "How are you?" I swear her eyes still sparkles as it used to be.

I was so lost in thoughts until she has to shake my consciousness that it's my turn to order. I told the cashier I need a strong Iced Americano. Today I wanna add some syrup on it, I don't know what comes to me. It's so unusual. 

I'm planning to only stop by, grab the coffee and go. That's it. That's my plan. I don't know what got into me until I realize I said I wanna drink it here right away, instead of saying it's gonna be served on a takeaway cup. Here, I'm waiting for my order to be made.

Now that she's standing beside me, waiting for her order too. I didn't speak so much because my mind still figuring out the whole things. Guess I lost in my thoughts again. Unlike before, I sense her awkwardness. No, don't be like this, please. How would I make it up?

"Is it a takeaway?" She wins again this time. "No, just gonna sip it here. You?" I blurt out asking her back.

"Takeaway. Such a waste to the Earth, eh?" She answered playfully, just like the old times. Wait, what? Takeaway? Is that mean she would go straightaway after receiving her coffee? Think. Think. Act. Now.

"You know you could join me if you want, you know..." I used too much 'you know', I swear she could sense my nervous guts. "Sure, that'll be fun!" Thank God it wasn't hard.

_______________

Here we are sitting cross to each other. Sipping our favorite coffee awkwardly. I don't know where to begin. Guess I still think this was a daydream after all.

"How's life doing with you?" She said while fixing the lid of the plastic cup she was holding. "Oh wait, life must've been great to you, eh?" She answered it herself with her playful smirk, wanting to break the ice.

"How could you be so sure? It's just not that bad." She frowned and look up to the ceiling. "Right, said the Recording Academy member, Billboard Top Group 2019 and the owner of multiplatinum albums of the year." She said while sipping another Iced Caramel Macchiato. She pouts.

Her face still holds a beautiful gaze that I could stare forever. I still find the tiny wrinkles on her forehead whenever she's thinking hard is cute. Or the way her eyes would sparkle every time she's excited at something, I swear her eyes were made from galaxies. And that lips, oh that lips. Perfectly cupid bow curved on the top. No, her lips weren't really naturally red which made her looks more human herself.

"Yoongi?" And that's how she takes me back to the ground. "Are you okay?"

No, I'm not. I used to be okay, but turns out it was all just an illusion that I made for myself. I made up my own truth, something that I would like to believe. I want to believe that I am okay without hearing your laughter. I want to believe that your presence was nothing compared to anything I have in life right now. 

I take a deep breath. "Yes, I am perfectly okay. How about you? Life's okay with you?"

She laughs. I feel like I could stitch that melody into another work of mine. I wanna make a song from it.

"Life's good. Just....good." She answered while nodding and piercing her eyes to another direction. Then she throws a dagger right into my chest when she said the words I'm not expecting to come out from her lips.

"So, you have everything now. Your dream, everything." She smiles so fondly. I can't read her. Eyes meeting mine, waiting for my answer.

I let out a little laugh. "Kind of...yeah. You could say so."

She throws herself back to the chair, still smiling. "Glad to hear that, Yoongi. I'm so glad to hear it." Why is she still smiling?

"Guess I gotta get going now. I gotta get ready for work." No, no, she's leaving. "That's too soon, at least give me your number. You know, we haven't seen each other for quite a while." What the fuck? That's the ugliest reason you could let out, Min Yoongi.

She typed her number in my phone and giving it back to me. "Yeah, you know better, Min Yoongi." She smiles a different kind of smile, waves and quickly pacing out further from me. 

Yeah, like I know any better from that. I know well what's she's been referring to. It was my fault that we haven't seen each other for a while. No, not for a while. An exact fucking sickening six years. She's right, I know better.

I wish I could just hug her tightly the first time I hear her coughing behind me on the cashier queue. She didn't have to call my name for I am so sure it was her cough that I hear. I wish I could sit beside her instead of being cross to each other and held her the whole time because God, oh God, I missed her so fucking much it hurts my ribs because I can't even feel her head laying on my chest.

Yes, I do have everything now. I have reached most of my dreams. I have reached every dream I have told her back then. Did she know? All my achievement? All I really have, all I have reached both with myself or with my members? Did she find out about me? Did she...care?

The thing is, I wanna scream my whole chest to her. I want her to know that I already reach everything I wanted. I have check all the dream list, wishlist we have written together. Every fucking thing.

She knows better than that. It wasn't the same. It would never be. Because she's not there with me. So, if she's referring that I have everything, my dream, everything. She's wrong.

I don't have her.