we don't talk together

8 - If Only

Y/N POV
A few hours earlier

It was a usual morning, just like my regular days. I always take a quick morning jogs before I start everything on my weekdays. This has been my habit since I moved to Seoul about almost two years ago.

A small apartment with only one open room. It's not clamped, it's actually quite good even though I have to sell my blood, sweat & tears to pay the rent every month. Adulthood sucks, I know. But I still love my apartment.

Daegu was my home, but I'm no longer feel it that way for a long time. That's why I decide to leave after I graduated. I just can't stand every corner of the little city. Can't stand the memories it gave me. Every time I look away, it's like his mark was imprinted on it. I can't even grab my morning coffee properly on that damned city. Can't even breathe without having the thoughts of my sick and pathetic wishful thinking that we still together. And now it all makes sense to me, the reason he left.

You know. In life, you'll meet a quite various kind of love. The one which will make you wanna puke on just the thought of it. The one that would draw a smile and create a sparkle of joy in your eyes only by thinking of the way he would speak to you. The one that will drive you crazy and madly, willing to give everything to that particular person. The one that you'd taken for granted. Or the one that will make your head pounding so hard, your chest tightened and your stomach drops.

For me, I only experience the good ones. There's no one before him, nor after him. Pathetic, isn't it? But I have moved on. I am done counting wounds and trying to numb them all. I have continued my lives and now I'm currently pursuing my dreams. Our dreams, just...this time there'd be only me on the page to be checked on. He's gone, and I'm here.

Duh, I need to shrug these thoughts out of my life again. The thing is, every time I run with my AirPod on with music swirling to my ears, my mind will wander out of nowhere. That's how I called it a day. Better be grabbing my Iced Caramel Macchiato and get ready for work.

_____________

The door bell dingle when I swung open the front door. I'm panting hard to the point I coughed myself out. Nice, now people might think I'm a sick bitch or something. Alright, gotta keep my head straight and reward myself with my favorite coffee.

From that point, I feel everything suddenly goes in slow motion. This tall figure in front of me, I would recognize him miles away. Even when he stands after all these years, he still hunching his back. Lazy ass man, bet he's tired and needed some sleep. My chest warmth. I can't hold myself to not reach him. 

I poke his shoulders. "Yoongi-ya?"

He turned. I was showered with his cold gaze. That eyes with the cat-shaped lining that I used to love to stare for hours was still there. Only, I spot some dark circle around it. But it doesn't matter, he still looks beautiful as hell. Stop it. Don't fucking panic.

He doesn't answer, so I let out another word.

"It's you." I smiled. More like a relieved-kind of a smile, because I could finally witness with my own eyes that he's been doing well. He looks tired and all, but he looks buff and healthier now. His skin became even paler than I used to remember. Ah, I get it. He doesn't have to go under the sun as often as he used to be. He doesn't have to ride the motorcycle on midday with stroking sunlight on the top of his head anymore. I bet he's no longer playing basketball on an outdoor field anymore. He might have his own private indoor field right now, eh?

"It's me." He finally answered. His voice remains the same, just a bit deeper. Just a bit.

I'm still smiling. Bet my face would look like an idiot right now. "How are you?" He doesn't answer again, he just stares at me. Suddenly, it's his turn to put his order to the cashier. Our short conversation was already damn short, and now it's cut. Nice.