we don't talk together

15 - Answers

Y/n POV

My colleagues started to notice the change in me. I lost many weights, my skin getting pale and I admit to myself that I could hardly focus on what I am doing at work. I will find myself going home earlier than I usually be just to sit blankly in the living room, alone. In the span of a week, I found some other lies he made just to make me feel better. I haven't talked about it to him. I don't have enough guts to do it. I feared him. No, I just feared that his hands might be slipped away from mine, the moment he heard me blurts out again.

I hear the door opens. It's him.

He walks through me and went straight to the kitchen. I heard waters running down to the glasses and I'm assuming he's taking a big gulp of water. He comes to me.

"Mind telling me what's wrong? You've been so silent, even more than before." He stated.

"Am I?" I replied, and he sigh. "Why did you ask me back?"

And as tough as I used to be, I burst out in tears already before the second sentences come out from my mouth. He's surprised at my sudden burst.

"Can't you see that I am trying? I am trying so hard for us." He stays silent.

"Maybe I was too greedy. I started feeling that you didn't really care about me at all. I know that you're busy, but if someone's truly care, they will make time, right?" I paused, sobbing hard and continues again. "This pain in my chest reminds me of that time, years ago....I gave you the best of me, and after you left, nothing was ever the same." I could feel the heat rising in my face as tears start rolling even harder on my cheeks.

"I know, and I am sorry for that. Did you think that you're the only one that's hurting? It hurts me too. Back then, it pains me so much to the point I cried myself to sleep and waking up like a crazy person longing for his lovers to come back. But I can't do that, I know. Because I am the one who leaves. I am the bastards who broke the two of us." His eyes got teary, but not a single tear escape his eyes just yet.

"I know that I haven't given you the best of me back then, but now that I changed. So, now that I am trying my best to give you the best of me too. But I guess that would never be enough." He sighed, hard.

"That's why I don't tell people about us. They wouldn't understand, and one doesn't feel the need to explain, simply because I know in my heart how real it was. When I think of you, I can't help smiling, knowing that you've completed me somehow. No one needs to know. Us are enough." He raises his voice, it scares me so much. "But it is not enough for you, right?"

His answers knock me hard to the ground. It smashed me so hard that it awakens something in me. He's right. Everything that he said is accurate.

This was my fault. I should've also realized that he was also struggling. But unlike usual, I feel something knocks in me and whispers. I let out the words I never knew I will say to him.

"Are you really trying? Because I really doubt it." He was holding my hand when this happens, but he eventually let go of my hands and leaves me in the living room. He's running again. This time he left a huge hole in my chest with the words he threw at me like a dagger.

My tears have stopped rolling hours ago. But I could still feel my face damped with it. I think about a lot of things and I come into the conclusion. The answers that I have been looking for. As I find the answers, I am heading to our room just to find out he was sleeping peacefully. I stare at his beautiful face a little longer than I used to be. As much as I want to touch his face, I hold back. Instead, I went to our closet, no, his closet and starts to pack everything inside the luggage.

Throw any two people together, add the inevitable ups and downs, give the mixture a vigorous stir, and a few stormy arguments were inevitable, no matter how much the couple loved each other.