VOICES: A Stray Kids Story

B.C.

I lied in bed, as I often do,
But I'm not asleep. I stare at the alarm clock beside me, waiting for the moment it would blare.
I thought I would get some restful sleep, but that didn't work.
Every time I close my eyes, the whispers come back.
Things I've heard before, and things I hope to never hear.
The worse part, none of the voices are directed at me specifically.
I hear the names of my friends, endlessly.
And I can perfectly imagine each struggle as my eyes shift behind the lids.
And even more than the whispers, I hear dreadful noises, and it makes my heart ache.

A mirror shatters as voices echo through a bathroom
With a scoff one voice says "Look at your teeth, look at your hair, you're just a child,
you'll always be just a child, you'll never be good enough."
Once it stops, The buzzing of stadium lights fill my bedroom air instead.
They shut off and it's pitch black, but I feel like I'm burning,
sweat slowly seeping into the mattress.
"You're not likable. The only thing I like about you is your friends. You're such a know-it-all,
stop acting like you're better than everyone else, you're nothing!"
That scene stopped too, but was quickly replaced by another.
I felt exhaustion take over my body, my legs sore and my mind hazy, I felt sick.
I couldn't make out most of the words, they were overlapping screams and cries from unfamiliar people,
expect for one, it was the same voice as the friend I could picture "You'll never be good enough".
My heart cried for him. His torment came to an end and the next scene played.
Car Radio, Smell of gasoline, severe anxiety, "speed up, even if you crash,
keep your foot on the pedal. It'd be better if you crashed", pulled out and survived.
Fence, grass, nausea, migraine. "All you are is a pretty face,
you don't have to lift a finger, it's so unfair, I hate you!", Gate buzzes.
Basketballs, soccer balls, smell of rubber and menthol. Feeling of suffocation.
"You're not strong enough, you'll never be strong enough", Freed.
Quiet cafe music, smells of coffee and fruit, voices with increasing volume
"You're a nobody, pity likes, you think you're special", tears shed, left and paid.
Glass, a window, smell of rain, feeling of apathy, crying,
I couldn't hear the whispers, they were too distant,
as if they were more internalized in the boy I was picturing. Found. Laughter.

Through the course of a couple of hours, I has been giving a glimpse at each painful experience, and had lived them myself without having to leave the room. I looked at the alarm clock, unable to move, My ears ached, I had a fever, I felt drowsy and weak, I was getting angry and irritated, I had a painful migraine, my throat felt swollen, it was hard to breathe, my vision was getting blurry and watery, I felt heavy and useless.
Finally, the alarm clock rang, and at the same moment, there were countless of knocks at my door. I managed to turn off the alarm, but walking to the door proved difficult. I was in tremendous pain, I feel to the ground in front of the door. Outside, someone had picked the lock and the door flung open, revealing the many friends I had dreamt about.
They rushed over and pulled me onto the bed. Each one whispered thanks and sang together. Every round of laughter brought a smile to my face and the pain slowly but surely went away.

I looked at the the many friends I had. They gathered all their courage and met each other outside the door. They looked back in towards me and the oldest of them held out his hand and said "step out of the voices, let's stick together."

Later that month, we all found ourselves living in a shared space and we promised one another to be there for one another, to help us step out whenever needed. We still face the voices, but they're easily overcome with the help of each other.