Philophobia (prucan because I'm a sucker)

Sweet Enough To Rott Your Teeth But Also A Bit Spicy

*I've had to rewrite this THREE TIMES. Anyway we have a bit of self doubt in this chapter, incredible pining (little heated) other than that we're chill, my autocorrect doesn't work because I'm off WiFi, Canada PoV*

I woke up with a raging headache and a dull pain in my right wrist.

I groaned and sat up, rubbing the back of my head. I looked around my room, it was kind of a mess but it always was, the door was ajar which was weird because I always slept with the door closed, and there was a certain white haired man passed out on a chair with his head resting on my bed.

"What the fuck?"

Gilbert stirred and lifted his head the slightest bit at the sound of my voice.

As soon as he saw that I was awake he shot up and moved to sit on the edge of my bed.

"You're up! Oh my god that's a relief!" he looked at me with a softness in his eyes, the same look he had yesterday when he asked me if I loved him.

"Are you okay? What happened, Liebe?" *idk if that's spelt correctly but I'm off WiFi so I can't check*

"I'm fine but... I don't - I don't want to talk about it." I looked at Gilbert.

"It's okay, I understand." he was so soft, and careful. What if he did really love me? How? I didn't even know if I loved him yet, how could he possibly love me? But why did he seem so sure of it?

"Gilbert?"

"Yes, Liebe?" he looked at me like I was his world, with so much devotion, it was insane.

"Do you - do you actually love me?"

"Desperately."

He said it so confidently, without even breaking eye contact. He was so sincere in that one word, it was almost impossible for him to be acting.

"Why?"

He furrowed his eyebrows and reached over to me to cup my face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean why would you love me? You could have anyone you wanted but instead you chose me, a depressed, socially anxious, defect who can't even let himself be happy and drags around a bunch of crap that he should be over b-"

My rant was cut off by his warm lips over mine. The kiss was soft and slow but it still shocked me.

After a moment I let myself melt into it, closing my eyes, relexing every muscle in my body.

Gilbert moved his hand to the back of my head and leaned into the kiss a little more. His other hand went to my hip.

He moved in front of me without breaking the kiss, sitting up on his knees so I had to lean up to meet his lips.

Too soon he broke away, leaving me chasing after him, trying to catch one more taste of the wonderful kiss.

"Do you love me, Matthew?"

He rested his forehead against mine, putting both hand on my hips, while I moved mine to his shoulders.

"I don't know..." I looked away from the gorgeous lips that were tempting me to kiss him again, to his his eyes that made me want him even more. "I'm confused Gilbert, I really don't want to love you but you make it so easy. The last time I let myself love someone I got hurt and I don't want that to happen again, but you're so... Amazing, and sincere, and sweet. I don't know if I can stop myself."

He smiled that wonderful smile that made my stomach do summersaults.

"Take as long as you need to figure it out Liebe, I'll wait as long as it takes, like I said before, forever if I have to."

I took a deep breath and gave him one last kiss, a small, quick one. "Thank you, Gilbert."

When I pulled back his face was bright red and he looked like he was about to lose his mind.

"Yeah, cool, cool. Um... You should have some water" he grabbed a glass from the bedside table and handed it to me, fumbling with it and almost spilling when he grabbed it. I giggled a bit as I took it from him and he blushed harder.

"Alfred said you lost a lot of blood so it's probably smart to drink a lot of water"

"Thank you." I said through a laugh

"Yeah you're not gonna find my idiocy funny when I'm your idiot." he flirted, getting closer to my face as I set down the glass.

"You seem pretty confident, Mr. Bielschmidt." *?* I leaned in to him as well.

"I feel like I've got a pretty good shot, I'm not gonna stop until you take me cause I already belong solely to you, Mr. Williams." I could feel his breath on my lips now.

"Do you now?" just a little bit more.

"Definitely." and he closed in the last little bit, pushing our lips together.

This kiss was faster, more heated and hungry. He didn't hold back as much this time, his hands were behind my neck, grabbing at my hips, under my shirt, tangled in my hair. Soon I was practically in his lap, running my hands along his shoulders, down his back and across his chest.

Alfred chose exactly this moment to open the door.

"Holy shit!"

I pushed away from Gilbert and wiped my mouth. We were both breathing heavily and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

"Oh my god! I just heard talking and I came in to give Matt something to eat, I didn't know he was eating your face!" Alfred yelled, he put the bowl on my bed side table and quickly ran out of the room.

I snorted dispite myself, which made Gilbert chuckle, and soon we were both laying on the bed laughing our lungs out.

When we had calmed down a bit I looked over to see him on his side looking at me with the most loving eyes ever.

"I know I've asked this already today, but I can't help but feel like your answer might have changed since you woke up," he pulled me closer to him so we were face to face again "Do you love me?"

I paused, it was hard to answer. I knew I felt something for him but I wasn't sure if it was love. I wanted more of him, more soft kisses and cuddles, more late night conspiracy theories, more cute text messages, but it was too hard for me to say I loved him. Even to myself.

"I know I want to be more than friends with you. But I'm not ready to say I love you. Not yet."

He smiled softly and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, "That's good enough for me, liebe."

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*this made me incredibly happy to write, you guys have no idea. this is like my first time writing soft, slow kisses and fast heated kisses.
Btw I have an idea for another book but I wanna finish this one before I start it*