Numb. If Peter Parker were to tell you what he felt as of that moment, that's what he'd respond with. But true to it's definition, he was deprived of responsiveness. It wasn't do to lack of emotions, but every emotion striking him slowly, and then all at once. Everything felt blurred. His eyes still blurred of tears. His heart blurred of aching emotions that he knew would eat at him if he were to keep them bottled up and locked away from the acknowledgement of others.
Black and white were swirling around each other in a chaotic dance of mixture to create a grey aura around him that starkly juxtaposed to the shimmering vibrant colors that passed by. He couldn't understand why the day cleared so fast. Acting as if the events earlier today were just something to overlook. Why couldn't the previous gloom the rain gave off that day last? The darkness represented the sadness that he, that everyone would feel that day and probably for a while, maybe even forever.
As the tears still blurred in his eyes, the day flash before it. The early morning contained of many things. From cremating, to heartwarming speeches, to a summoned silence all brought together by two people who meant the most. Throughout the funeral he glanced around to see how everyone would handle it so far. Many emotions came clear but the most obvious one was lost as the weather surrounding them highlighted the very emotion they all felt. But lost could mean many things; lost of someone important, lost of feeling, lost in thought, or lost in the inevitable question that continues to tower over them: What happens now?
The speeches seem to be the most memorable part especially the ones that were truly heartbreaking from those closest to the dead. He remembered the passion put into them. The feelings reciprocated during. The sobs, the laughs, the heartbreak, and the talk of glory days. It was all truly riveting, despite the underlying sadness.
"My husband was truly an amazing man. Of course there was the passing gene of intelligence, dashing looks, charm, and many of his globally known qualities. But when I say amazing I mean the little things and other versions of himself he didn't display to the world outside those close to him. How he was actually kind and considerate when he thought you wouldn't notice. His geekiness that would flash in fascination as he works. His superior intelligence that helped him to be capable and quick whether in a battle of arms or wit. Disgust he would display when no cheeseburgers are present. The sadness and distraught in tough times. How despite all disaster may come and hit him, and his mettle is challenged yet again, he never truly breaks under the pressure. He'll push back in some way and move on from the chaos, reasoning emotions should have no play in rationality. Every thing he's done, though it doesn't come off that way, was selfless and has been since he became a hero in literal or metaphorical terms to everybody. Yet, the best version of Tony, that I loved, was the kind, caring, and noble father, lover, and friend he was in the time we spent together. There are so many more things to say, but words can never be enough."
Pepper Stark was just as amazing as her husband. At least that's what Peter thought. Unlike ordinary spouses, Pepper continued to keep her head up in a mannerly sense and not let the pain break her. Not because she was heartless, but because she reasoned out that that's what Tony would want her to do. She had shed her fair share of tears, though.
"I'm five almost six. I've only known my dad for that long. But he taught me a lot. Sorta. And probably some things he kept bugging me not to say, but everything counts. He played with me, laughed with me, cried with me, even let me eat ice cream for breakfast once. I don't think I was sup-posed to say that. Sorry, Momma. But most of all, he was a great dad—is a great dad. When I'd hurt myself he'd say that it may sting right now, but time will pass and it won't hurt as much anymore. I think that's what he'd say if he were here. The hurt may sting now, but time will pass and it won't hurt as much anymore. Every night when it was his turn to put me into bed he'd tell me "I love you, tons". He loved me tons, I love him three times more."
Morgan was the anchor that Pepper and everyone else needed. She was a ray of light in face of circumambient darkness. Her character a resemblance of her fathers, and was quite noticeable in the eye of others. Peter, in a small glimmer of happiness, couldn't wait to get to know her in a more presentable time.
"My first friend, my greatest companion. That was the Tony I knew, the Tony I preferred. Not every moment was great with him, he wasn't the greatest guy for a long period of his life, but I stood by him in spite of it. I was there maybe not for every turning point of his life, but most. Because he in turn was a turning point in mine. The laughs over weighed the seriousness of the situation we'd come across. He, in his time, was truly a remarkable person and knowing him, guarding him and all his creations, and befriending him was an equally remarkable experience. He left a legacy, a mark on everyone's lives."
Peter thinks there's more to Happy's speech he wanted to convey, but the emotions clouded him and that's all there was to say. As one of the first people to know him, it was too much for him. And for that Happy, who's name contradicted his personality, gained a newfound respect in Peter's eyes. In the passing seconds after Happy spoke, he and Peter met eyes, and Peter being oh-so kind hearted gave him a trying smile, in which Happy reciprocated leading him to think deeply for a moment. To learn that his friend has finally met peace in his complicated life gave him a sense of assurance that everything would be all right. Happy was unhappy no more.
"I don't know what to say. I've lost my legs and now my bestfriend. What I can say though, is that Tony Stark will always be remembered. To some as a member of their family, to others a friend, maybe even a guardian in a time of despair. To the world he was a hero, dutiful and strong, to us he was more. To me personally, he was my brother from another mother, and well... father. In him I saw the hope he gave, the hope he had in a promising future for everyone. His act of bravery protected the world, his world, like he had hoped. I just wish he was able to see the outcome alongside us. Maybe he is, and is still protecting it high up in heaven."
James Rhodes felt his heart break the same as everyone else. He meant what he said, that he was speechless. The man who he befriended, his crazy intelligent compadre, was gone. Really gone and he didn't know what to do. He lost enough already and this took the cake for him. No more cyborg jokes, no more crazy moments, or serious talks, or just having a friend to be there. But he wasn't going to fall into lost hope. Like Pepper, Morgan, and Happy, he was going to keep his head up. Cause he knows when the sun shines it's golden light again, his friend will be there watching from above.
Oh how Peter wished to have the same strength and assurance the others gave off in their speech. The final message Peter heard in his passing train of thoughts was his own. His words shattered in his ear because that's what it did to him. The pain and sorrow through his trembling words still memorable.
"Oh-okay, well, I guess it's my turn then. Everybody has a preference of how they will remember Mr. Stark. And to each their own, I guess. Although for me, every moment with him was momentous. A bit of an oxymoron yes, but it's suitable. Mr. Stark, Tony, wasn't just a mentor to help me understand my powers. He became a parental figure, seeing as I lack those in my life. I wanted to be like him. He told me he didn't want that. He wanted me to be better. Well Mr. Stark, I don't know how to do that now without you in my life to guide me, but I want to try. I want for all of us to try. To be better for ourselves and the world, and I feel he'd want that too."
As the blurred tears in his eyes finally cleared, it didn't do so without leaving a mark as one pain filled tear managed to drip down his eye, tracing the outline of his jaw down to his chin, to finally fall and stain the dark button up shirt he had on. One last memory flashed before him. On the crystal clear lake as water falls into it from the last remaining raindrops, a small bed of flowers with on top an arc reactor and the ashes of Tony Stark himself as a final goodbye. It's floating and continues to on a watery journey of odd stares from it's surroundings, the sound of natures calls, and remembrance.
When he hears the sound of the engine turning off, Peter realizes the train of his thoughts finally hits a stop as he too had reached his destination. With the clicking noise of the car door opening, Peter steps out to face his home and the uncertain future lying ahead.
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A/N: 1675 words wow, anyways this was the first chapter I hope you enjoyed it, because I surely did and I hope it didn't completely break all of your little hearts cause there's a lot more coming. The song choice was just for fun XD
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~ 𝑺𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 ~ | ✔︎
Fanfiction(Spideychelle) Peter Parker wears a mask, both literally and figuratively. Every heartbreaking moment in his life tends to add another layer to his mask, because he believes no one else should have to carry his problems. That was until everything c...
